Thursday, September 6, 2007

Damn Ye! Ye Elderly Drivers!

It's funny what you will and wont share on your blog. I will blather all day about uncomfortable topics such as my mental illness or alcoholism, but shy away from mentioning something as simple as a car accident in which it wasn't my fault. Yes, I had a fender bender yesterday when an elderly lady who tore through a red light and hit me. My car only suffered minor damage, but the police wrote me a citation for not having current proof of insurance. I was sure I had those papers in my glove box, but couldn't find them. C'est lie vie as they say. It could have been a lot worse.

After the accident, I continued on with my plans to make it to that Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and was glad I did. It was a large and bustling group full of good folks and good conversation. Much coffee was drank and many tales of past deeds while drinking was shared.

"Hi, my name is Andrew and I am an alcoholic," I finally said, shyly.

"Hello, Andrew," the group responded.

"I almost didn't make it today due to an accident and I am glad I did. I believe it was an act of God and his will."

I felt so strange saying that about God. As if I had done something wrong or committed heresy. I didn't realize my lack of belief was so fervent and ran so strong. It was a very strong, emotional moment for me that I will remember for a very long time. I actually admitted to a group of people that I believed in God and it felt so... strange. I felt like the group wouldn't believe me and as if I was lying. It was very much akin to a spiritual moment and I had a small window of spiritual clarity and awakening. There is hope for me yet! Maybe I can wake up from this long slumber of spiritual darkness.

The evening found my mother over at the house. As I have often said, we use each other as our psychotherapists.

"Mom, do you dread things?" I asked her.

"Oh, something terrible," she said. "I have the biggest panic attacks having to go see your grandmother twice a week. She drives me crazy."

I laughed. My grandmother can drive the most mentally competent soul insane. I hate to say it, but I kind of resent her for the way she has treated my mother over the years and shy away from her.

"I dread things, too," I told her. "I got in the shower yesterday and thought I couldn't make it. I broke down crying and sat naked in the tub. I wondered how 'normal' people do it."

"Your father makes it look so easy, doesn't he?" mom asked.

"Yes, he does," I responded.

I gave my mother a big hug as she was stepping outside my door to leave.

"Thanks for being a mother and a friend," I told her.

"I love you and you hang in there. Let's hope it gets better," she replied.

Thus concludes my day.

26 comments:

Katie W said...

I hate incompetent elderly drivers!
The roads in England aren't very good for overtaking on, lots of hills, and too many bends, and old people drive sooo slowly.
They also don't seem to understand how roundabouts work.

justLacey said...

Im so glad it went well for you! Sometimes things we dread turn out ok and are better than we ever expected. Sometimes not, like that visit to my in-laws this weekend. Oh well...

justLacey said...

Also I promised you a book title. Discover the Power Within You by Eric Butterworth. You might find it interesting. If not I will give you another. Interesting perspective on God being all around us all the time.

Nikita1 said...

oh i love the bit where you gave your mum a hug! and what you told her...so sweet of you!! also glad to hear that you believe in God...Jesus loves all kinds of people and you too!!

Summer said...

Your relationship with your mom is heartwarming. Thanks for giving me a smile this morning.

Anonymous said...

Wow, you had some day! It's unfortunate about the accident. Some elderly are more capable of driving than others, they all aren't like that. Great meeting!!! Are you going back to that particular group? Sounds like you might have found a good one. Andrew, we ALL have struggles. You seem to have a very special relationship with your Mom. That is wonderful, I wish I could have the same.

Cheryl said...

Wow! Powerful entry. I'm thrilled about your afternoon AA meeting. I was hoping it was one you'd like and could relate too. And, it's in the afternoon. Something to look forward to in the middle of the day.

I'm glad your accident wasn't worse. Will you fix the dent?

I'm wondering if the previous comment from 'anonymous' is really my sister. I'll have to ask her. I know she comments here.

It's going to be a lazy Thursday for me, I think.

GoodbyeCityLife said...

God and the father. What a cool post.

abbagirl74 said...

Hey you. Glad to hear it was only a fender bender. I can't have anything bad happening to my favorite blogging buddy. Well, I actually am enjoying a day off. I have updated to this post and must admit jealosy. I wish I didn't have to work every single day. Be happy you don't have to. It sucks. I missed you while I was working and didn't have the time to check in and read. It happens every so often, but I always find my way back to you. Hope you are doing well, dear friend. I missed you.

Portia said...

there is always hope. you had a car accident, dealt with the police, and yet you rolled with it and attended the meeting anyway! i think that says a lot. very cool.

CRUSTYBEEF said...

I'm glad you're alright from the accident. That's why they call them accidents..because, well, they are!..Do you have to pay a fine with the lack of updated insurance? Because all you'd have to do (Granted this would require someone coming with you to help with your anxiety) Is bring a copy of your updated insurance to court and the judge will throw out the case...

Mom's are good at making their children feel good. I rather enjoy the stories you have with your mom-makes me think of my own mom.
Thanks for the pleasant reminder of how soothing mom's make us~
Always,
Crusty~

Glenda J said...

Thank you for sharing your amazing day!!!

Trying2BMe said...

I don't know if I'm "normal" or not, but there are days when I feel it's all too much too. I've found myself crying in the car during rush hour, in the shower as I let the water pour over me, even in the middle of the night when my mind should be at peace. The weight is heavy, my shoulders seem weak and yet, I keep moving forward by something stronger than me... I like to think it's God walking beside me, holding me up a bit.

Much love to you.

My World said...

Moms are lovely people aren't they... I wish I could comfort my mom too. It is so heartwarming, the way you reach out to each other. Lovely post.
All the best.

Anonymous Boxer said...

I'm impressed.

Portia said...

this is a P.S. to my earlier comment...
it's too bad the lady that hit you didn't check out my blog first. i posted a PSA at the very end of yesterday's post telling the world how to drive. #1 on the list is to stop at red lights. tsk, tsk...
of course i'm kidding, because as crusty said, accidents do happen.

Claudia said...

I hope my kids and I can have the kind of relationship you have with your mother. My mom is a difficult character. she means well, but never says what she wants/means and I always have to read between the lines. It is such hard work! And about admitting you believe in God... I am not a religious person, but consider myself a very spiritual person. I think you can believe in God and not believe in all the rules, etc. that organized religions have built around the idea of God.

Barb said...

My mother and I both have MS and because of that we are able to relate to eachother on a molecular level like you and your mom do. It is a gift that we understand and that is all that matters. You are more important to your mother, then you can ever know. That is awesome!

Congrats on the AA meeting, and your courage to go to it, despite the accident. You rule!!! God is definately at work in you~

B~

Le Fleur said...

My favorite poem in the world is "Footprints" by an anonymous writer...I remember when I used to think that Anon was an extreamly prolific writer :) I think the best bit is the end where God says "it was then that I carried you". I do like to think that God leads us, holds our hands and even carries us when we feel things are impossible.

CRUSTYBEEF said...

How are you holding up Andrew?
Hope you're not having any neck pain or soreness, that stuff usually occurs 24hours after a car accident. (which is how cops know when people fake it-you never have neck pain from whiplash immediately after an accident..that happens 24hours..the pain that is..you would have immediate soreness elsewhere, dizziness, sweating, etc...so, anyways, I've had some wine (Sorry) and sorry for the rant.
Always,
Crusty~
*I think I was channeling Portia cause of her hubband being out of town she had some wine the other night..
good night Mr 4th, sleep well.

Kim said...

Hi, I used to somehow keep stumbling across your blog but recently have been going directly to it for updates. Haven't commented before as I don't really have anything to say and I'm not a natural writer. Just thought you might want to know you have more people rooting for you than you know about.

Lynx217 said...

Awwww what a sweet mom you got! Can ya'll adopt me? hehe jk

darla said...

Andrew, I believe everything happens for a reason... maybe your "accident" was a stumbling block you were supposed to conquer". And you did just that! It makes you feel good, doesn't it? Keep up the good work, Andrew.


http://westwoodranch.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...

This is to Cheryl, no I'm not your sister. :-)

Eric said...

A friend told me once that "normal" was just a setting on a dryer. I agree.

Portia said...

ha! love what eric said. i will remember that for it's truth.