Friday, August 24, 2007


"It's simple," my favorite convenience store clerk tells me. "You have to make her love you. There has to be mystery and mystique. Keep her guessing."

I never thought I would be getting relationship advice from the third shift convenience store clerk down the road. We were talking about keeping a relationship fresh so it wouldn't lose that "new" feeling.

"Send her flowers," he says. "It makes a woman's heart melt."

Rosa is not a flowers type woman. They would most likely wilt in the vase neglected.

"Are you dating these days?" I ask him.

"Oh, no," he says, drinking his coffee as he looks at me through coke bottle bottom glasses. "I am in between relationships these days."

You should have sent her flowers, I thought as I chuckled and was what I wanted to tell my faux Don Juan friend.

"Women like the thrill of a chase," he continues after ringing up a midnight drunk. "You have to play hard to get."

I decided I had received enough relationship advice from my verbose friend and left the store to walk home. As I walked, I thought of what it would take to keep Rosa happy. Me and her have been through a lot over the years and simplicity thrills us. Rosa likes simple times of shared meals, curling up on the couch watching television, stability. Playing hard to get would go over like a lead balloon with her. Too many things in her life have been too hard to get. I decided the best I could do was to be her Rock of Gibraltar. Unflinching. Stalwart. As unchanging as the landscape.

The house is quiet as I arrive home and hang my backpack by the door. Maggie comes sheepishly walking into the den to greet me as if she knows Rosa is asleep. I change into my boxer shorts and favorite sleeping t-shirt. I smoke a cigarillo and come into my computer room to write this. I can hear Rosa softly snoring in the back room.

Unflinching, Stalwart. As unchanging as the landscape, I think again.

I realize the best thing I can do for Rosa is to give her a home. A place to hang her proverbial hat. Her dozen roses is having a man who is always going to be there sober and sane.

My hardwood floor then creaks as Rosa stirs and walks into the room.

"You coming to sleep soon?" she asks sleepily as she walks over.

"Let me finish writing this," I reply busily pecking away at this keyboard.

"I love you," she says as she wraps her arms around me and kisses me on the neck.

The sensation is invigorating. I, too, feel a stability I haven't felt in years.

"I love you, too," I say back and for the first time in my life I can actually feel it. It is not just idle and empty words.

The floor creaks again as she escapes back to the bedroom. I can hear her climb into the bed and pull the covers around her. The light is turned off with a click. It is little moments like this that make life worth living. Someone to come home to. Stability.


Girl of Destiny said...

Andrew, you really have the gift of words!
Its wonderful how special you have made the little moment sound. It was very nice to read and it also made me feel nice.

K.G. said...

Just out of curiosity...
have you ever written Rosa a poem?
You have a beautiful way with words, I'm sure she'd be moved. And it's simple! :)

Also... I think when we try to make ourselves happy, we can't help but make our partners happy. Because aren't you happy when she's happy?

Creative Wishes!

Anonymous said...

"Her dozen roses is having a man who is always going to be there, sober and sane". That is a gem of a statement, one of your finest. A literary classic!

madamspud169 said...

I never realised till I read your post but stability is the thing I was always searching for in my previous relationships. Stability means so much more than some flowers (they die) or chocolates (eaten, gone, forgotten), stability gives me the confidence to tackle life & all it's ups & downs.

WhistlinGypsy said...

wise man! i recieved the same advice to keep my boyfriend interested "flirt around. don't make yourself avaliable. be a commoditity"... that's game playing. steady is what makes things work for real, a gentle kind of love. being each your own person while being together.
you are blessed.

C.A. said...

Stability is better than flowers, or poems or dining out, as far as I'm concerned. Youre doing a good job of providing that, Andrew. And that's very grown up. :)

Happy Friday...


impromptublogger said...

Awwww, that brought tears to my eyes.

You two really seem to have the "real thing". I don't think you need to do anything special except be there for her. (and remember birthdays and anniversaries!) ;-)

abbagirl74 said...

Every woman yearns for stability in a man. They may not admit it, but it's true. Have you seen Dan around lately?

Portia said...

stability. never thought i cared one way or the other til i had kids, now it's all i can think about.

Josie Two Shoes said...

You are wise beyond your years, Andrew. The gift of stability you offer Rosa sounds heavenly to me! It really IS about the being there for someone. We all falter in our relationships now and then, but if the core is solid you will weather any changes that you go thru.

coastofcalifornia said...


This post is beautiful on so many levels. The depth of your love for Rosa, the unwavering love she returns to you, and the simplicity of the things that nurture you both are all awesome. And your writing, Andrew! What a change has occurred. The peace in your life and in your mind and heart are opening a flow of words that are such a pleasure to read.

Stability indeed! May it abide in Casa de Andrew day after lovely day.

Serendipity said...

just my two cents: women do not want a man to chase. they want to be chased. women want to be told that they are beautiful, they are special, they are needed and that they are worth it. we don't want to hear that we are too much (we aren't) or that we are headcases (we aren't). stability and finding out her love language is the key. (love languages are: words of affirmation, physical touch, gifts, quality time and serving.
good luck

Karin's Korner said...

I am so happy that you found someone to love and that someone loves you back. Isn't it just a wonderful feeling?

I agree with serendipity, a woman wants a man to not only tell her that she is beautiful but when he looks at her and says it, she knows that he believes this to be true. My husband tells me often and in his eyes I know I am but mostly not so much and that is OK, I only need to be beautiful in his eyes. He also tells me how he is the lucky one in our relationship, because he found me but in reality, I know that I am the lucky one.

Just things to keep in mind, you know I am excited for you!!

mosiacmind said...

I am so so happy for you that your relationship with Rosa is going so well. I could cry...your words are so beautiful...two people who have experienced a hell of a life finding each other and accepting each other is such a rare and needed thing in life. I agree that the main thing that you can give Rosa that you are giving her is stability. I envy you both at times having each other. I hope that you both have a great weekend........mosaic mind

C. R. Morris said...

Oh my gosh! I'm not a flower gettin' kind of girl either but I have chills now! Honestly, just let her read what you write about her... she'll melt for sure. {{{{HUGS}}}} <---- I don't hug people either. You're even melting me! LOL I'm extremely happy for you.. anyone would be lucky to getcha!

C. R. Morris said...

And one more thing! <----comment hog I would rather receive a rose bush than flowers.. something that will always be there.. AKA.. stability. I love this post. I promise not to comment again. *taking my seat so the rest of the class can have a turn*

Stacy said...

Awh, I am so happy for you Andrew.

Cheryl said...

That was a wonderful story Andrew. Well said, my friend.

Tee said...

Stability is one of the greatest gifts you can give Rosa, and yourself. Tell her often that you love her, touch her, respect her. Don't make her always say, "I love you" first. In turn she will love you, touch you, respect you.

M said...

ok. here is my dating question: what if both parties are playing hard to get??!! how is anyone gotten if both people are playing hard to get?

just wondering.
i think the corollary is true in that if you want someone to go away, play "gotten"...load them down with your love and attention. hmmm..sad that running away peeks our interest more than having love.

Summer said...

Rosa = Rose.