Wednesday, August 15, 2007

A River to the Gulf

I sat down at the river on the banks of the Chattahoochee after lunch. It was a long bike ride from home in the heat. "You've done better lately than you ever have," where the words of my father from last night that echoed through my mind as I sat there. "I try to forget about being homeless and you should, too," were Rosa's words that were also worrying me. Stone after stone was thrown in causing great ripples in the swirling green water that would disappear in the current. I needed to get out of the house and clear my head. I have been experiencing cabin fever thus my recent thoughts of giving it all up and becoming homeless once again.

I then left the river and swung by Rosa's house. She scolded me for my recent actions.

"You seem spacey," she said. "Aloof, like some child dreaming. You always have your head in the clouds."

It didn't upset me. She was right. I have been living on cloud nine lately. If it isn't for the often symptoms of my schizophrenia, I am experiencing a giddiness where I laugh uncontrollably. I am abnormally happy and content if there is such a thing.

"Where have you been?" Rosa asked as she looked out and saw my bike by her front door.

"The river," I said. "I've just been thinking and needed to get out of the house."

A scowl came over her face as I told her that.

"You are going to leave, aren't you?"

"No, I am not."

"You've already left in your thoughts and mind."

I left weeks ago, was my thought at her saying that. I didn't say it. I kissed her goodbye and climbed upon my Schwinn mountain bike to ride home and write this. I do think I am going to start living in my car for a few weeks. Just to get this wanderlust out of my system. It will just be a urban camping experience so no worries. My cool and inviting home with Maggie and Rosa will be just a short drive away if I need it. I am off to start packing up my car to sleep in tonight. I hope you all have a great day.


Barb said...


How does living out of your car, get "wonderlust" out of your system? Are you prepared to spend hours explaining yourself to Rosa, your family and to yourself? I hear the swing in your moods as if you were patterning yourself after your past. Would talking this through with a trusted professional be of assistance? Think about all of these things before starting your car and driving away~


fiwa said...

Won't you be extremely hot in your car?

coastofcalifornia said...

Be safe, dear Andrew. Be peaceful if you can. May your urban adventure bring you some of what you are craving. We out here who care about you will be sending loving thoughts and waiting for news of your safe

John ate Peyote said...

Bravo to you for putting your story out. I'm not sure I understand it yet, but that is okay. I enjoy your writing style...

Blue Gardenia said...

I usually sleep on my deck when I need to leave home. Last year I slept in urban parks both on the ground and on benches. Time hangs heavy. Sleeping outside is very soothing and when it gets to be a grind you can always step inside and end the adventure.

madamspud169 said...

Please at the very least let someone know where your car will be parked & have i.d on you. There are so many bad people around nowadays you need to be careful.

mago said...

Ach man, you are feeling too good ... isn't it time to see the lady with the big needle again?

abbagirl74 said...

May I suggest something? Perhaps you should just go camping and hiking. You did it all last summer, so this is probably why you are yearning to be out there now. A couple of nights won't hurt. Take Rosa or leave her at home. There is nothing wrong with camping and hiking. Remember your dream to hike the mountains?


Yeah, What abba girl said!! make it a goal perhaps to hold off the camping until money is saved and the both of you could go experience the surf together, while sleeping on the sands of the beach.