Thursday, August 30, 2007

Go Away, Rain

The rain abated this morning just before moving into our county. I was talking to Clara about it.

"I would have hung out down at Krystal's," she told me. "I hate the fucking rain, though."

"I'm going to an AA meeting tonight. You want to go?" I then asked her.

She threw back her head and laughed.

"You trying to say I am an alcoholic?"

She caught me in an awkward moment. That's the trouble with mentioning AA.

"You do drink a lot," I replied.

Clara pulled out her bottle of wine to take a drink and to show it to me.

"See this?" she said pointing to the bottle. "This is how I deal with being homeless. It gets me through the day. I would be bored fucking crazy without it."

I actually understood. I don't begrudge her one joy in life. I drank extremely heavily when I was homeless. It does pass the time and makes what would normally be a long and listless day fly by.

"The offer stands if you want some coffee and want someone to talk to," I told her getting up to leave.

Clara didn't respond and sat drinking her wine. I think I made an impact though. I put my foot in the door. Hopefully, she will open it.

I am nervous as hell about going to AA tonight. I haven't been in so long and know everyone will think I have been out getting drunk. It will be good to see Wanda and William, though, my old friends of many AA meetings. I have just felt shaky and lonely and need the comfort of the group again. Wish me luck!


runner said...

Heartfelt and sincere good luck to you at your AA meeting tonight!

greglo said...

Good Luck and have great meeting!

justLacey said...

I do wish you luck, but you have been out getting drunk so if they think that you shouldn't be upset. I doubt they will be so judgemental though, they are there to help. I know Wanda will be glad to see you.
As for Clara drinking because she is homeless, perhaps it's the other way around. Maybe she is homeless because she drinks. Just some food for thought. When you quit drinking, you stopped being homeless. I hope you are someday able to stop looking at that path as something to long for and it becomes something to strive never to be again. Perhaps if you surrounded yourself with different people, you would look at life differently. Rosa is right that you may be lacking self esteem. You don't need to be. You have many good qualities and talents. You are also wrong in the fact that you hand out with the gang because they don't judge you. They only accept and don't judge you when you are like they are. If you are doing better then they seem to want to drag you back down, perhaps to make themselves feel better. I am worried that you are flirting with disaster with the drinking lately and the longing to be homeless. I hope it's just a phase and will pass and you will be ok.

Stacy said...

Glad to hear your going to a meeting. Don't be nervous, I'm sure they will be happy to see you again.

Josie Two Shoes said...

Hi Andrew! I am proud of you for deciding that you want to attend an AA Meeting tonight. Again, it shows great maturity to realize that sometimes we all need a little support and encouragement from other folks as we travel on our journey. You have no need to worry about what the other folks think - after all they are all there because they want to stay sober, and it isn't easy. Wanda will indeed be delighted to see you, as will other friends I'm sure. I think it was very kind of you to invite Clara. You have planted the seed in her brain, and at some point she may just surprise you and take you up on it. Your caring for others always shines thru. Looks like it's going to rain here. Now when our weather takes a change, I think of you and how much you enjoy observing it! :-)

Mr.MeToo said...

WOW!! This is my first time to your blog Andrew. I just got into blogging, so I was just roaming around and come upon your blog. You definitely have a story to tell, and to be completely honest I'm overwhelmed with your determination to straighten your life out. I may not know the whole story yet, but I would just like to congratulate you on all your personal success. I live in Canada and I love to party and drink with my friends. I try to keep it in moderation but sometimes it can get out of hand. We always say to each other when we're hungover that we need to go to rehab and then we laugh it off. After reading a bit of your life I don't find that joke so funny anymore. Your a true inspiration to those around you. I look forward to visiting your blog more often. Good luck tonite.

Barb said...

Good luck this evening...I look forward to the story you will come home with, the observations you will make, the friendships that you have been avoiding, the reminder of what it is that caused you sober up in the first place, and the grace that will be extended to you for your recent fall from the wagon. Come home and we will applaude whatever it is that you do. You are loved~


Anonymous said...

I am going, too. Good Luck!

simonsays said...

I DO wish you luck. I think you have tremendous strength and courage, we all do. Never forget that. :)

Deborah said...

I've not gotten to your blog for a few days, and I see I have lots to catch up with!
I hope your time at AA tonight goes well. You are a courageous man, Andrew. Keep taking care of yourself.

lillipilli said...

Best of luck Andrew.

Grant Miller said...

Quite a story. I wish you luck.

CJM-R said...

I wish you luck as well. Wanda will be happy to see you and it will remind you that you have another circle of friends who care for you and support you.

I also will think differently about rainy days now...

Be Well!

CarmenSinCity said...

You know you don't need to be nervous at an AA Meeting, they will make you feel welcome. I'm heading to NA Meeting right now myself.

Lebowski said...

I found a new page which could be interesting for you to promote your internet projects and
get backlinks:


It´s a social networking community like myspace or facebook but they share their Ad Revenue

and even for your referals up to 10 levels!
It´s just started in Beta but it´s
growing rapidly! Check it on Alexa.
You can put all your videos, pictures, blog posts in there and make a lot of friends. | invite friends. hang out. get paid.

See you there,

Jay M. said...


Been away for a while, and haven't had a chance to read or comment.

It sounds like Lacey is pretty smart. Don't worry about feeling nervous from going to another meeting. It should ease a little when you get there. You have to remember that by going to the meetings, you're taking the steps that say, "I don't want to be an alcoholic." And you're just saying that you could use a little support. They'll recognize that and welcome you back.

It's funny because I've never had anything against any of your friends, Ferret, Clara, George, Rosa, Dan, or any of them. For some reason just now though, I realized something. These meetings are good for you, and you go voluntarily for support. You recognize that by going, it helps you have a better life, or keep things on track. The friends that you spend the most time with should support you too.

I know you don't like to rock the boat, but maybe you should come out and ask your friends why they don't support the fact that you don't want to drink anymore?

As long as I've been reading your blog, your struggle with drinking has been a very important part of your life. If your friends care about you and have respect for you, they should have respect for your decision as well, especially if you come to them about it.

Anyway, keep it up Andrew. I've got some catching up to do, but it sounds like you've been doing some interesting things!

Josie Two Shoes said...

Andrew... you need to check this out. This guy is reposting your blog... I don't know why.

Grad007 said...

Good luck at the AA meeting!

KYRIE said...

How did the meeting turn out for u?
Is Rosa feeling better? Take care bth of u.

Shruti said...

All the best Andrew. Hope you overcome all these hurdles. What about your paintings? Will we get to see them on your blog? I hope we do

Moonroot said...

Good luck at the meeting. Hope it goes well and you find the support you want there.

Anonymous said...

Andrew, I have to say ditto to "justlacey". Her comments are right on. A new group of friends/associates that don't drink would serve you well. Perhaps the art class will expose you to a group of people with a common interest that are all sober and aspire to a good life.


Good luck!! GOOD GOOD LUCK!!!
Any news lately on Celtic beauty?, she'll want to have coffee with you because that's just how things happen.. But for your case, I hope not!

madnilk said...

hi there... tq visiting my blog :P it a pleasure for me for someone to read my blog!!

lunalupa said...

Great writing. Nice to read.
Good luck to you.