Thursday, August 9, 2007

Freud's Couch

A long, triumphant run through the backyard was Maggie's last hurrah for the night. She came scooting through the back door to be greeted by cold, air conditioned air, panting vigorously.

"That dog is your child," Rosa said, standing in the kitchen.

"I know," I said as I smiled. "It's the best thing dad has done for me other than buying me this house."

Rosa and me followed Maggie into the den as she jumped up on the couch. Charlie had brought me a cover for it with Maggie in mind and she had managed to pull most of it off on the floor. I straightened it and we sat down with Maggie in between us.

"I worry," I told Rosa. "I know I am going to outlive her and I wouldn't know what to do without that little soul my life."

"You think and worry too much," Rosa said, and she was right.

I have been obsessing over Maggie's one-day demise. I am tired of these macabre thoughts. Maggie then sat looking at me as if she knew we were talking about her.

"Just enjoy your time together," Rosa said, rubbing the nape of Maggie's neck.

"Yeah," I said as I got a glazed look in my eyes.

I wanted to well up in tears and cry. I have been so emotional today with so many things affecting me. Seeing that homeless woman this afternoon brought back so many hard memories of my own time without a home and it hit me hard. I tried to laugh it off several times in my talks with Rosa, but my mind would wander back to where she would be sleeping tonight. There aren't any homeless shelters or food kitchens around here.

Gah! I just need to settle down and go to bed!


Martha said...

I think it's perfectly okay to have strong emotions related to seeing a homeless individual. I've never been homeless, but the homeless population is the population I've chosen to work with, and there are nights when my heart just aches with what I see on a daily basis. I think if you didn't have emotions related to it, that would be more of a concern.

Teri said...

Nice Blog :)

Stacy said...

You are such a thoughtful man Andrew. You have such a big heart!

I totally know what you men about Maggie. My sweet little baby (Fiona my Chihuahua) is my best friend and I don't know what I'd do without her. We just can't think about it, and Rosa is right, we just have to enjoy our time together with our animals.
Have a great night :)

justLacey said...

Im surprised none of the churches in the area have at least a soup kitchen. I don't know how big your town is, but I imagine it must be pretty small. Is there a town nearby with either? Perhaps you could look it up and pass the info alone. It will be winter soon enough and she may be able to make it over there before then.
As for your thoughts on Maggie. Rosa is right. Enjoy the time you have with her. When I lost my Poli last year unexpectedly, I thought I would die. Andrew, I have never felt such sadness over the passing of anyone as I did that dog. The first 2 weeks were the hardest. Then we got Panda and that eventually helped some. Still I miss him and if I let my thoughts wander to him for too long it still makes me cry. Check this link out and look at picture number 11. That is my Panda.

Mark said...

Hey, Andrew,
Just chanced upon your blog on a lazy friday afternoon. After finishing your first blog, i was so tempted to read through the rest of the post. Excellent recital of emotions. Most of the human beings suffer from this disease of losing something which is at their hands acurrently. Quite a lovely writing and few of your post has made the air heavy.

Patti McCracken said...

I feel something similar with my dog. I look at the life that she is now and wonder how the hell I'm going to cope when she's gone... even though that's years and years away... why on Earth would anyone think that way? Why can't I just live in the beauty of the moment, like she does?


you're very tender and it's natural to be concerned over that day. But, as Rosa put it perfectly, "just enjoy the time you have together.."
my goodness you guys balance each other perfectly!