It's not often I have seen Rosa cry, but cry she did this afternoon.
"Things are going so well and you want to go and fuck it all up," Rosa said of my leaving to live in my car for a few weeks.
My heart broke. I couldn't take her tears.
"You're not alone anymore and things you do affect others as well. Don't be so selfish," she said. "Go camping for a few days or something, but don't just leave in the middle of the night like some teenager running away from home."
I sighed and just listened. I can be so selfish when I got caught in the throes of my mental illness. I can only think of what pleases me at that moment. It is a heart wrenching experience to see it hurting someone you love.
"Let me come and get you, and you stay with me tonight," I replied. "I really need you."
"I am going to get some clothes together and washed and I don't want to hear anymore of this living in your car crap," she said. "You have a family in me and Maggie, and your father and mother. You have so much. Just don't go throwing it away."
I told her to call me and I would drive down to pick her up. I guess I will get us some supper started. Some chicken and broccoli fettuccine sounds nice to me. I thank my lucky stars for the good people in my life that can talk some reason into me. I began this morning with thoughts of living in my car, and have now resigned myself to just spending some quiet time with my gal tonight. God, I wish I could get rid of this damn affliction and don't wish it upon anyone else in the world. Crazy is as crazy does as the old saying goes. Rosa is a saint for putting up with me.