Rain is moving in from the west which is odd for a summer's night this early in the morning. My thoughts turn to Ferret in his tent by the river and Clara under her tarp behind the shopping center. Ferret will be dry, but Clara will surely get wet before finding shelter. Rain means boredom when your homeless. It upsets your usual routines. I can remember long stretches of rainy days when I was homeless. Even the most simple task of using the bathroom becomes an ordeal. Many books were read and lots of journal entries were written on those days. I would curl up in my sleeping bag and just lay there thinking for hours as the rain pattered endlessly upon the fabric of my tent. I would long for bright, sunny days and cloudless skies.
Rosa is feeling much better this morning. She just whisked by to use the bathroom and poked her head into this room.
"You haven't been to sleep all night," she said.
"Can't sleep," I replied. "I will sleep at dawn for a few hours."
I listen intently as she washes her face and flushes the toilet. Maggie sits outside the bathroom door waiting on her. She is soon back in the bed after taking her morning dose of cold medicine.
Mom still comes and sits with me for an hour everyday. She gets lonely. Maggie goes bananas when she realizes mom has pulled into my driveway putting on a glorious canine show of affection.
"I wish I wouldn't lay in the bed all the time," my mother told me yesterday.
"I wish I could," I replied. "It would pass the time and my days grow so long."
"Do you dread things?" mom asked.
"Everything," I replied. "Just taking a shower is tedious."
"You inherited that from me," she said. "Don't tell your father, but I even dread changing clothes. I wear the same clothes for a week and no one ever notices."
Mom wanted a soda so I drove us down to Fat Albert's. I also bought Rosa some scratch off lottery tickets as well which thrilled her. She loves to play the lottery.
I thought the rest of the day how tedious life can be when you have a mental illness. What normal people take for granted can be a great insurmountable odd to overcome for us. Taking a shower. Brushing your teeth. Preparing a meal. All these things can seem so hard and life stopping. It almost becomes hard just to live. I have joked with my father before about my mother and I needing a "life coach." Someone to guide us through life and to help us make the correct decisions during our days.