Monday, July 30, 2007

Hard and Wonderful

I'm worried about you. You sounded shaky on the phone. Nerve's frayed. Tension in your voice. You kept saying how much you would love to be on my porch with me. We could eat supper and drive out to the lake to watch the last of the afternoon thunderstorms on the horizon. I told you that and you sighed longingly. "I don't know if I can put up with this shit for another week," you said. I gave you a pep talk. "Think of your daughter. Think of all the years you didn't know her. Think of what can be now." It is so easy to say, but so hard to do. I know I wouldn't want my routines turned upside down. Leaving my comfortable home and the privacy it imparts for two weeks of a feeling of imposing and insecurity. That is what you said. You felt like you were intruding on their lives. "They asked you to come, remember?" I replied.

I came so close to blurting out, "I love you," before we said goodbye. I wanted to give you something to look forward to in eleven days. I have dreamed everyday of you finally knowing. No more games. No more enticing moments of flirtation. You will want to make love like you have for months. I have gone over and over it in my mind. Can I perform? Will my medications hinder me? There are so many ways I can pleasure you without doing the main deed, sex. We will jump that hurdle when the need arises.

We had a hard time getting off the phone. "Are you coming to get me if I call and need you?" "I can be there in an hour," I replied. There was a quiet moment as I felt you wanted to ask that very question. "Come and get me," was on the tip of your tongue. We both said goodbye with a sigh and I already miss you terribly. It's hard being in love and wonderful at the same time.


~ J ~ said...

Beautiful! I can feel your love....thats an amazing quality in a writer. I have been a long time lurker...hope you dont mind me coming out of hiding.

Karin's Korner said...

I am so excited for you. Being in love with your best friend is wonderful. I am sure that she feels the same way about you and I cannot wait for Rosa to come home so that you can let us all know how happy you are together.

One thing though....How will you handle your father with this?

Andrew said...


That is going to be very interesting and delicate to handle. They say honesty is the best policy and I am going to be forth rightly honest with him if or when he asks. I thought about hiding it from him, but decided that would hurt Rosa. We will jump those hurdles when they arrive. Glad to see you commenting.


Thanks for reading and I'm glad you came out of hiding to say hello. Comments can really help keep you writing on a consistent basis, good or bad.

justLacey said...

I can't wait until Rosa returns!

Andrew said...


I can't wait, either. It is going to be a long eleven days to go. I am tempted to drive to Atlanta tomorrow and see her. These damn medications dad gives me every night screw up my overnight plans, though. Thank you so much for your comments as always. You made me smile broadly.

Rick Waldroup said...

The passion in your writing seems to ring with an honesty rarely found in today's world. It is a sly, easy going frame of work that is very deceptive in it's complexity. Thanks.


Holy SHIT! You are just remarkable.
I have no doubt in my mind things will work out for you with Rosa.

I would wait for the ILY until you're face to face though.

You are a great friend..she's lucky to have you.
Many blessings on this new discovery of love.

The Humanity Critic said...

Beautifully written..

Tiffanie said...

I thought maybe you loved her a while back. She is lucky that you can express yourself and tell her.

Melissa said...

As I have been reading your post on a regular basis, hoping not to miss a day, and each and everyday I have found your posting to be wonderful. I was starting to think that there was something for Rosa but I now know. That is one of the most wonderful thing I have ever heard. In the beginning of this post I was not to sure who you were writing about but I finally got it.

I am so proud of you for overcoming the fear of your parnoid side effects. See I told you that you were not in love with the celtic beauty. It was Rosa the whole time.

Keep me updated on the relationship.


justLacey said...

I think a road trip may be in order! It may help Rosa to feel more comfortable there and make her day seem shorter. Do you think your social anxiety can handle it? Would be good to get to know Rosa's family better too. I love a long drive on back roads, listening to talk radio and drinking Dunkin Donuts coffee. (I know, that makes me sound old, butI do love it.) Post in the morning and let us know your plans. I'm up early you know.

Barb said...

I suspected something between you two for sometime now. She sounds like she wants the same as you, and is waiting for the opportunity to love you back. Your narration gives me a tingle. I am happy for you Andrew. I cant wait for her return!


Jules said...

She's a lucky woman. You adore her and she adores you too. I'm very happy for the both of you. Congratulations. :)

shy_smiley said...

it's tough to feel her suffering but Rosa's gotta do this with her daughter, even though it makes her feel uncomfortable. Your job is to support her in this and wait for her return. I believe she knows you love her: there's so much more to love than the act of sex. Just being there with her, answering all those questions she asks, offering to pick her up in Atlanta if she needs you... you two are lucky indeed. But you get what you give, ya know? If you give good, like you and Rosa, good is what you get. Yay!

Ray and Kim said...

I've visited your site several times and enjoyed each visit. You have a special way about you. Keep it coming

Summer said...

I'm thinking about this. You need to encourage her to make a life with her daughter and grandchild. Not to come home early. Make her understand that you will be there for her when she returns. Because you will. It will be a great family for both of you to share. Think of the love and friendship that will grow from this experience. It's exciting!

abbagirl74 said...

I just want you to be happy. If this is what will make you happy, then that is good. Please just take your time with it. I worry about you and your family. I just don't want there to be more anxiety for you later on down the road. You are always in my thoughts.

Dreaming Mage said...

this is my third attempt to convey a message. Maybe Blogger will let me in this time.

I went through the same thing a long time ago with my best friend. We are still best friends, not lovers. But every time we speak we end with an "I love you".

It's wonderful.


Prometeo said...

Good luck and thank you for sharing your story.
Life makes much more sense feeling all this confusion, this storm of feelings.

Anonymous said...


Your writing had evolved so beautifully! You've always had natural talent, that much was obvious... now it's changing just as you've said. You're personal happiness and stability shines through and truly effects your natural skill.

I catch up when I can here and there. I'm your complete opposite. You have nothing but time on your hands, and I can't find a spare minute most days. Tonight is rare because the little one went to sleep just after we arrived home, and I'm off tomorrow so I can afford to stay up a little longer then needed to send you a note.

I'll do my best to send you an email and update you as to what's been going on since we got back to the states. So much has happened!

Take Care,

Pen and the Sword said...


I love how you wrote this. And I love how the feelings you portray here for the both of you.

I am sure you are just bursting to tell Rosa how you feel.

Hopefully soon she will call you and say, "come get me"


Anonymous said...

Wow, I had to come out of lurkerville to say that was an excellent post. I stumbled across your blog in a very odd manner and I've been addicted ever since.

It's an amazing thing to find love and I am so happy for you and Rosa. You don't need to come get her, just let her know that you'll be waiting at home for her and tell her how much you love her. :)

RENJ said...

It is have someone to come and take you away from this life. Even if it is just awhile.


Keep writing.

Josie Two Shoes said...

Because you really love her, you encourage her to stay, because you know it brings healing to her heart and her family, even when you would much rather have her there with you. I applaud you, Andrew - for putting her needs before your own!

JT said...


I know you less than I know the proverbial Adam. However, I have been lucky enogh to stumble back into the life of someone who once meant a great deal to me, and have decided not to waste this chance again.

I have been reading for well over a year. Best of luck my friend. May both of our quests ens in utter happiness.