Tuesday, July 24, 2007

The Undiscovered Country

Laughing. Talking. Sharing our day. My father and me sat in my den last night enjoying each other's company. "I love how you wrote today about thinking you were the next Mozart," he said. "The grandiosity schizophrenics share reminds me of all the religious people standing on street corners crying the 'end is near.' They seem to think they are so important, as if touched by God. Your mother was the same."

"You have to also remember I thought aliens were traveling light years to visit me," I said with a good hearted smile and a laugh – even I almost have a hard time thinking I believed that. It sounds so clich├ęd for schizophrenics. I had probably watched too many episodes of the X-Files.

"Your writing has just been wonderful lately," he then said. "It reflects how well your real life is going."

"Thank you," I said, beaming with pride.

I love getting accolades from my father about my writing. Comments from strangers on a blog are nice and encouraging, but nothing is the same as one of the nearest and dearest people in your real life telling you such words. It has been years since I had done something in which my father was so proud of me.

My father left and I curled up on the couch with Maggie as the TV droned quietly. I had such a wonderful day. I felt happy. I could take joy in the small things in life. I seem to have this zest for living these days that I haven't experienced in the 35 years I have been on this good earth. "You're growing up for the first time in your life," were my father's words that echoed in my mind. He was right. My development as a young adult stopped with the onset of schizophrenia in my early twenties and my subsequent alcoholism. I was a perpetual adolescent in a man's body – a strange combination of boy and man. Adult feelings. Adult emotions. An adult life. It is all so exciting and I feel as if I have discovered an undiscovered country filled with exotic lands to explore and strange indigenous people to meet. A Columbus in my own time.

20 comments:

justLacey said...

That boy in a man's body isn't unique to people with mental illness. It happens to quite a few men. I have a brother that is still that way at 52. I think they call it Peter Pan syndrome. I met quite a lot of men like that when I was dating. There is something so attractive about the boyish quality, but in large doses it got old after while. I didn't like having to be the only grown up.
You are growing up at a normal age I think.

"Wolfgang" said...

I agree. My brother went through things very similar to what you went through and he always retained a very boyish quality. I have retained some of that myself, but in a different way. I think my ADD is responsible for that in part.

I will close with a quote for you:

“Nay, be a Columbus to whole new continents and worlds within you, opening new channels, not of trade, but of thought.” – Henry David Thoreau

KYRIE said...

I am a girl (obviously!) but I can understand what u mean as I feel I have been in that very same situation for a very long time since my teenage years even though I am in my twenties now.
I guess when bad stuff happened, we get so immersed in them (beyond our control) that we miss out a lot in life as the years pass by.
And I think I am a still a big kid in heart since my childhood had been the safest and happiest time of my life since everything took a nosedive after that.
I guess I should learn to move on but it is difficult. Maybe one day I will reach that point as u have.

starships said...

You sir, are a terrible writer and is it not "Alocholocis Anonymous" as in, anonymity in all press, radio and films.

But back to your writing, it's trite and laced with cliches. I hope the book you are working on is not as bad as the samples I have seen here.

Good day sir!

Lynette said...

Your Dad sounds like a very good person. I am so glad you are able to enjoy each others company now.

Anu Menon said...

*bow*

Dana said...

Andrew, does your father read your blog???

Andrew said...

Dana,

Not normally these days. I let him read a little bit last night when he was over as I was very proud of what I had written lately.

Andrew

Suzanne said...

Andrew,
I enjoy your writing! Keep it up.
I know what you mean about having someone you love say good things about it. Same happened with me. :)
Blessings.

mago said...

Just saying "Hello".
Good to see you in such a cheerful mood.

cornycopious said...

It's heartening to read about your experiences - you really do a good job of conveying a sense of rebirth.

confessing7girl said...

ahh it feels good to feel happy with ur own life!! i really enjoyed visiting!!
ahh im a big fan of the X-Files too so i just had to comment in here!!! :D

Anonymous said...

i thank you

AirBourne said...

starships must have had a bad dose of PMS... I love your blog, it is a marvelous journey, it is bursting with positive evolution and who says spelling is a prerequisite?

Stephen J Canning is dyslexic and makes more money than most of us gets to dream about - as the WRITER of hit films and movies PLUS books TOO

I am from Barbados in the Caribbean and learned of your online journal thru Bloggers' Blogs Of Note

Pen and the Sword said...

Aw... this blog gave me warm fuzzies.

I love it when my family members read my blogs, too. Just today my little sister made me read my recent blog out loud to her friend, because I mimicked the voices in the dialoge and she thought that was just too funny.

In the eyes of a 15-year-old I am the last comic standing. Made me feel pretty darn cool :o)

Your writing is so real and descriptive. Never a dull blog entry. I'm glad I happened across your writes.

Santiago Arcos said...

What a beautiful place to live, the image behind "The 4th Avenue Blues".

Nice writing.

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abbagirl74 said...

It's so nice to hear that your dad has such wonderful things to say. I am glad to know he is supporting you. I have been absent for several days, not commenting. However, I read almost every day. Your writing has been fabulous as always! Have a good week booger!

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