Tuesday, July 31, 2007

A Matter of Convenience

You might do it to save money. Or to claim, "It just makes more sense" because you sleep together every night anyway. The nights you are apart happen because you are both lazy, and no one wants to make the trip to the other's bed. At the beginning of things, though, this doesn't happen. At the beginning, no one is lazy or speaks of the other taking things for granted. One finds the other over more because of a matter of convenience - a pet, a better TV, more space. I often find Rosa over here more often than I am at her house. She will call me to let me know she is up and ready and I will drive over to pick her up. She revels in the fact that I have cable and she can watch her favorite channel, Court TV. I am also the cook of the bunch. Simple country breakfasts are prepared and eaten upon my kitchen table as we talk of how we slept, or about our dreams. It is a pleasant arrangement.

My first serious relationship in college was with a girl torn between two worlds. She was an ardent Christian, almost orthodox, disdaining sleeping together or staying over. Yet, every night, she would call me and I would crawl through the window of her ground-floor dorm room. We would make love on a comforter upon the floor as we laughed and talked until regret hit. "I can believe I keep doing this," she would say as the weight of her perceived sins bore down on her. "I can't believe I keep sinning." It always perplexed me how something so natural and pleasurable could bring about such regret and negative emotion. We would drift apart as she grew closer to God and I became a better heathen.

My second girlfriend was also waiting for marriage to commit the most pleasurable of deeds. "I'm saving myself for the right man," she would say. It would become a game to see how far I could get in our make-out sessions. "How far did you get tonight?" my roommate would ask like the crass and crude young college males we were. "Second base," I would often reply. "She just doesn't want to commit." Her name was Sally and I now realize she was a wonderful woman and would have made a good wife. Me and Sally had the kind of relationship where we shared everything. Our clothes, cars, and lives were intermingled. Yet, we didn't make love, but would often sleep over. I will never forget when we broke up seeing all her hair care products in my bathroom for months. Little stalwart reminders of what was and what could have been. I finally threw them away when I decided I was over her.

I have thought long and hard of asking Rosa to move in with me. The house she rents is in poor shape with a lackluster landlord. Rosa begrudgingly calls him the "slum lord." I catch myself having to pull back on the reigns to slow down and take things a step at a time. I have always been impetuous and want to rush forward, head first, with great zeal and ambition. She would say yes I am sure, but would it complicate matters? How will we handle things when our lives become intrinsically intermingled? They say love can cause us to turn a blind eye to our mate's foibles. I know all of Rosa's foibles. Her terrible taste in style and clothes. Her propensity to bite her fingernails out of nervousness. Her complete lack of any modesty what-so-ever. The thousand myriad questions she will ask after a hard day. I am well prepared for what's to come. But I am going to wait. I still haven't even told her I love her and I am making grand plans on how we will spend our lives together. Impetuous, I tell you.


Glenda J said...


Thanks so much for being the brave soul and sharing with us. Your blog has truely captivated me and I read it daily. I am so happy for you that your life seems to be taking a gentler turn. The fact that you have such good support of your family is a blessing. It may be too personal but why would your family disapprove of Rosa so much? She is no angel to be sure but I can't believe that they would not want for you to have every happiness. My only caution would be to be very clear on your wish not to be a father--I would hate for that to be a wedge between you. My best to you always--

Blufeenix said...

I just want to say your a very brave person, with a good heart and head on your shoulders. Found your blog a week back and have been reading it daily. Fantastic writing style.

I hope things keep working out for you and that your family sees that you are Happy with Rosa.

Anonymous said...

Your dad is gonna shit bricks when he finds out! This is enthralling. I can't wait until she comes home! :)

Anonymous said...

As much as you and Rosa will enjoy being together, won't you miss those quiet times when your new house is all yours; quiet, neat, and you can do what you want when you want? I would wait a long time and think long and hard about asking her to move in.

Josie Two Shoes said...

LOL, Andrew, impetuous indeed! Take it slow and enjoy the process as much as the outcome. Wooing a woman shouldn't happen like a speeding train. First, tell her you love her, and let the rest come naturally as it will, rather than trying to force it. If it's right, it will all fit together in good time. :-)

knicksgrl0917 said...

hey! i'm going to cali this weekend and won't be back until september...here is the website i was talking about where i made extra summer cash. Later! the website is here

Lara said...

Nothing wrong with being a bit impetuous... but there's also the thrill of letting things build until you can't take the wait any more.

Start wit the "I love you's"... let the rest follow naturally. :)

(I saw some traffic from your site on my stats... thanks for linking me... not sure when you did, but glad you enjoy my blog.)

Rich said...

she grew closer to God and I became a better heathen.

spoken like a true...heathen?

I like that!

Annabel said...

I am very happy that your relationship with Rosa is growing. My advice is to wait it out a bit more before jumping into something like living together.. and even then if you do take the plunge... be more like roommates and divide the costs and such. I know you've got the typical male hero complex, but I want you to be cautious at the same time. I hope I don't offend you by saying that... I just know you're a very kind soul and you just need to be careful. When Rosa gets back, do tell her how you're feeling and then take it really slow. Love is a complex thing and it seems you've done the right thing in developing a good friendship first... but there's no need to rush anything either.

JT said...

As I said last time...fairly new reader. I applaud your decision to move forward in the relationship. However, as a fellow divorcee...be careful.

By all means, if you are sure....go all out. You alone know your heart.

Either way, best of luck...I'll be keeping tabs.


PS - keep sharing those Southern recipes. As a Southerner and a cook, I love reading over them.


Good Luck Andrew!! You know what's best for you.

I've added you to my top choice bloggers page on my blog-and let me tell you, my aunt and uncle LOVE reading you. They never comment..but they love your honest words.
There's nothing wrong with being Impetuous..carpe diem my friend, carpe diem.

justLacey said...

I might wait too to ask her to move in. You have lived alone a long time and it's hard getting used to someone there all the time. I suppose you could camp when you want to be alone though. Maybe a live in trial period where Rosa keeps her own place and stays at yours.

Anonymous said...

SLOW DOWN! You need to proceed with caution. One step at a time. Tell Rosa you love her, but I would certainly wait a significant amount of time on the moving in deal. You need to sort out all the details in your head, then let your heart move forward. I bet your father will have a thing or two to say about this situation. :-)

liesel said...

:) your writing style is so nice. Most of the time I am hesitant to read blogs which have long entries, but this one is a whole different story. thank you for sharing so much of your life with us!

your first serious relationship reminds me of what I wish mine was like... without the religious part. interesting dynamics...

(and just to place my vote on the Rosa moving in issue: do what you think is the best thing to do. obvious, right? almost cliché. but it's the safest path.)