Monday, July 16, 2007

Mad Scientist?

I was thoroughly enthralled with this week's book as Rosa began to ask me a hundred questions just like my mother, the queen, as my brother calls her. My mother can form a question upon her lips for my father before he has even pulled into the garage good.

"Tell me about college," Rosa asked as one of her questions.

"I hated it," I said, not wanting to talk much tonight.

"Come on," Rosa said, pulling my book from my hands to get my full attention.

"It's grade school for adults," I quipped.

"Momma always wanted me to go to college, but I was too busy having my daughter," Rosa replied.

"I was too busy avoiding class to graduate," I said as I laughed, not revealing the real reason I was holed up in my dorm room with a bottle of bourbon most nights neglecting my studies.

At the time I was in college, I was just having a hard time keeping it together. The first symptoms of my mental illness had manifested themselves and I began to withdraw from society and social contact. I had a string of miserably failed relationships that only furthered to complicate matters as my self confidence was destroyed. I would later throw what was left of my self esteem out the window by dropping out of college and taking a night shift job driving a forklift in a towel warehouse. I worked. Came home in the morning and drank a twelve pack of beer. Slept. Then I would get up and go through the same process all over again. Rinse and repeat. I felt like I was trapped in a bad B-movie version of Groundhog Day without the Christmas theme.

"I actually went back a few years ago and tried once again," I then told Rosa. "Sadly, it interfered with my drinking and I didn't go back after one semester."

"That's a shame. I could see you as a professor the way you read and write so much," Rosa replied as she looked at me wistfully.

"Yeah, I could be a mad scientist," I said sarcastically as I smiled and picked my book back up to continue reading. "Literally."

I can be so self deprecating at times. Rosa burst out laughing with me as she leaned up against me upon the couch. It is going to be nice having her stay over tonight.


pensive reverie said...

I stumbled upon your blog... and I love it... reading every entry is like reading a short story, I thoroughly enjoy it!

Josie Two Shoes said...

Andrew, check out this post:
I just bestowed a Thinking Blogger Award on You. You so deserve it!

Eric said...

Your use of the English language is amazing. I love when someone paints a picture with words and you, my friend, are an accomplished artist. What makes this even more amazing to me is that it is your life, not a work of fiction.

justLacey said...

Well, you aren't drinking now and plenty of colleges have online study so...want to give it a try? One course at a time. Might be fun.


That's exactly what I was thinking-what Lacey said! Online courses you don't have to "show your face," which could really help you with dealing with anxiety..most courses have "athome finals" as well.
Although you don't miss college, do you regret not completing it?
I know I do. :(