Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Don’t Rock the Boat

The sign outside said they were hiring. A thousand thoughts went through my mind as I wanted to go in and get an application. "It would cause a rift in the family," were my final thoughts as I drove on, opportunity lost. I thought the rest of the day of being brash and just getting that job. Nervous. Unsure. I waited on me and my father's nightly rendezvous over crazy meds, sodas, and ample talk. I was gathering up the courage to ask him if I could take the plunge and join the ranks of the employed.

It was an uncommonly cool night for a July in the South as me and dad went for a drive out into the countryside. Lightning was flashing on the horizon down south way and I had on my winter pull-over it was so cool with the windows down. Sounds of katydids wafted in through the open windows as we passed out the wooded road towards God's country.

"Dad?" I asked and then hesitated.

"What son?" he said, finally rolling up the windows to block out the cool night air.

I swallowed hard. Now was the moment.

"How was your day?" I then asked, chickening out.

"Oh God!" my father exclaimed and would go on to talk for thirty minutes about how hard his day was.

It made my most pressing problem of having tons of hours in my day to fill seem not so bad or important. And my days lately have seemed so long and drawn out with little to do. I know for some of you that would be an enviable predicament. It makes me stir crazy though.

Dad needed someone to listen last night and it was no longer my place to speak. I just sat and loaned him my ear for the rest of our journey. I know it must be terribly odd for some of you to imagine a thirty five year old man having to ask for permission to work and get a job. I find it exasperating as well. To think – I was once homeless and living in a tent in the wild woods of Alabama. And now I can't even walk down to McDonald's and get a job flipping burgers without upsetting my family. That's all I want – a simple, mostly unobtrusive, low responsibility job to fill the time and to make some extra cash.

I didn't rock the boat last night and was just there for my father, and he really needed to vent. There is always tomorrow and I have done so well lately that maybe it is best not to upset the careful equilibrium we have established. Let's let time run its course. I have always had the knack of finding a job within a couple of days when I look so it's not like that job opportunity yesterday was my only recourse.


Mary said...

The times I've wanted to ask a question but chickened out at the last minute are too many to count. Sometimes it just "ain't" easy. You'll find the perfect time ask your question.

mr zig said...

Hey - been reading your blog for a while now, and I've got to say I REALLY REALLY enjoy it... I love your writing style! Totally awesome

justLacey said...

Wouldn't you being employed affect your collecting disability? That might be the only concern. With your meds being so expensive, it could mess that up. Ask anyway, it can't hurt.

Andrew said...


I would have to be careful with what I made as I can only make so much before it puts me into a 9 month trial work period after which my disability would end. I mainly just want something to fill the time. I looked into volunteering, but it would involve a lengthy drive every day and I can't afford that.

Mr. Zig,

Thanks for the kind words and I appreciate them.

justLacey said...

I thought that might happen. Maybe a few hours a week or just a couple of shifts.

Cheryl said...

I remember your job at the grocery store, back in the day. I know you've had times when you wanted to work. Your days are long, and a job would help fill the time. Flipping burgers? Not sure I can picture that.

60aip96d said...

Golf Instruction Guaranteed to Shave a Couple of Strokes off Your Game and Smooth out Your Golf Swing at the Same Time.

60aip96d said...

Golf Instruction Guaranteed to Shave a Couple of Strokes off Your Game and Smooth out Your Golf Swing at the Same Time.