Saturday, July 14, 2007

Blurring the Line

I do not know when Rosa and me blurred the line of friendship and a more serious relationship. I do know that most good friends of the opposite sex do not hold hands or snuggle on the couch. Such intimacy is reserved for more serious and sexual relationships. And yet we do not have a sexual relationship. I made myself very clear to Rosa early on that I am functionally dysfunctional sexually due to the medications for my mental illness. I have no interest in sex these days, nor do I miss it. This doesn't stop her from lacing our conversations with sexual innuendo, though. She takes great satisfaction out of seeing me blush and squirm, and can be very crass about it at times.

What brought this on was me reading my post the other day where Rosa, me, and her granddaughter were in the car. I said sorry and Rosa reached for my hand. It felt so natural at the time. Normally, such intimacy would make me uncomfortable, but with Rosa it feels sublime. It was as normal as the sun coming up in the morning or the katydids calling on a Southern summer's night.

Rosa and me did sleep together once. I broke with my sobriety and drank copious amounts of beer. She joined in on the party and we both ended up drunk and naked in the bed. There was a most extreme feeling of uncomfortableness when I woke up sober and hung-over in the morning and realized what had happened. It almost ruined our friendship and there was a tenuous few weeks of us avoiding each other intermixed with emotionally charged arguing. Somehow, our friendship weathered the rocky shores that were the banks of our indiscretions and we never slept together again.


Wayne said...

Been there, done that, got the hangover.
Seriously, I once found myself in bed naked with a good female friend, only to learn I passed out before anything could happen.
Our friendship survived, and we even became better friends. No, we never slept together, and I'm actually greatful nothing actually happened. (This was over 30 years ago, by the way.)

Anonymous said...

Don't lose the intimacy just because you don't feel like having sex. Maybe your friend needs the hugs, the kisses, and the handholding. Be honest with her about your lack of sex drive.

Good luck,
A Single Mom

nengaku said...

I, too, have completely lost my libido due to medications. And I DON'T MISS IT FOR A SECOND! Who could imagine that without experiencing it?
I tried dating a few years ago. Met a wonderful woman through one of those computer dating services (I think it was It probably could have been a great relationship if she hadn't wanted to involve sex.
No more dating for me. Tired of hurting people's feelings.
But I snuggle with my dog quite a bit. She's very affectionate and I no longer mind all the hair. She's worth it. :)

Dreaming Mage said...

I can completely understand your relationship with Rosa. I have a "best friend" who is female... we sometimes hold hands and rarely even peck lips. People often mistake us for a married couple of middle age.

She looks out for me as I do her.

But we don't sleep together. This sometimes strikes me as weird, but it feels right. Enjoy your relationship.


justLacey said...

There are all kinds of relatoinships out there. I don't see yours any more strange than married couples who "swing". I say to each his own. I bet there are many, many, married couples out there that don't have sex anymore.

Josie Two Shoes said...

There are many layers and levels to relationships and love, Andrew. It seems from following along in your blog, that Rosa holds a very special place in your heart, and you hers. You two have found a place of familiarity and comfort with each other, that rivals what many have in marriages. Sex isn't everything... if this is working for the two of you, stick with it! I love that you are able to acknowledge your comfort in reaching for her hand. What a blessing such a friend is!

VA Friend said...

She is a great friend and possibly more. Sex doesn't make a romantic relationship. She seems to love you a lot and I suspect you love her too. Let things work out for themselves and sometimes it is good not to overthink and rationalize things. This may be one of those things you can't rationalize or overthink.

shy_smiley said...

honestly, I think sex is one of the most overrated activities on the planet. All other animals must enter estrus to procreate; humans are the only animals who can engage in intercourse at any time, removing sex from its procreative function and thus confusing sex with intimacy. If you've developed a relationship in which you can enjoy true, comfortable intimacy, I say you're luckier than most. Tell Rosa I think she rocks!

Portia said...

i used to separate the ideas of friendship and romance. then i met my husband and i now think that the best romance is one that is with your best friend.
however, as i like to say, each to his own. you and rosa have a beautiful relationship, whatever it entails. it makes up one of my favorite aspects of your blog, by the way.
who cares what it's called?

also, i wanted to let you know that i linked to you. i hope this is OK but if for any reason it's not just say the word.

i hope you have a great weekend...

Andrew said...


Thanks for the link. I put up a link to you as well.


Eric said...

I don't have words of wisdom o this subject. What I will say is that whatever relationship you have with Rosa seems just right. I am a tad bit envious of that relationship. To have a relationship with someone who gets you and is not obsessed with getting something in return is priceless, and from my view you two have been good for each other.


I agree with Portia!!
Part of me is sad for you-not pity, but ache sad because you're the type of person that deserves to have it all-the wife, the kids, no anxiety-I know I use the world soul quite a bit, but Mr. 4th, you have a fantastic soul.
Hope this finds you well.
Happy weekend.
not so much. :(
*Ps. sorry, I hope I asked you before for permission to link you-sorry, I've had you linked for at least 2months now. Hope you don't mind!**

Eye of the Rainbow said...

Just came across your blog and will visit again, You have a way with words. Take care