Monday, July 30, 2007

The Better of Medicines

I always believed the best medicines hurt. My mother would pour that brown bottle of peroxide on my scrapes and it would fizz and burn. It felt like it was working - killing all those nasty germs. Getting sober can be the same. First comes terrible boredom as you spent all your time drinking. There is this huge void in your life you now have to fill. Then comes the incessant urges to drink. "One drink will not kill you," you try and tell yourself. Us alcoholics can't have just one drink as they always lead to more. Finally, it hurts to write or talk about it and to admit I was that way. You want to forget that chapter of your life, but to forget is to repeat. God knows. I don't want to repeat the pits of despair that was once my homeless, alcoholic life. The best medicines hurt and you learn and grow from the pain.

I've noticed a pattern to my writings lately. When I am happy, I write of Maggie, relationships, cooking, and food. All joys in my life at the moment. I think this pisses some people off when reading the snide anonymous comments I get. It is easy because of my schizophrenia to get paranoid about those comments, but I have long since learned to ignore them. All the popular or well read blogs get them. There are people that would love to tear you down - to disparage your writings and your life because they have little else to do. And yet they still read. I did the same with The Homeless Guy after he threatened to sue me. I never liked him again, but would still read his blog like some sick attachment I couldn't let go of. He finally quit writing anything interesting and I quit reading as well.

I've just come from a very early breakfast at the Waffle House. I quietly sat in the restaurant eating my omelet and toast as I sipped piping hot coffee and thought of things lately. That is when I came to the revelation about my writing and how I write when I am happy. I am at my most vulnerable moment where I am sharing my most intimate thoughts and desires. That is when the detractors step in like wolves in a wolfpack over a carrion carcass to tear apart the muscle, sinew, and bone that are the blogs of my life. My point is that this is all a learning experience and the best medicines hurt. I can allow others to take away one of my greatest joys of writing and sharing it, or I can continue to share my life everyday with those that have grown to care about me and have become my blogging friends. I think I shall choose the latter. To hell with the detractors.


KYRIE said...

Yeah. I have been having a great time reading ur posts lately because the posts hv been so full of joy n happiness. To hell to those idiots. I am glad tht u are not letting thm get to u.
Whn I started blogging at the end of March this year, ur blog was one of the first tht I came across, and it has been a lovely ride ever since reading ur stuff.

P.S. Good morning Andrew!

justLacey said...

You notice those people usually post "anonymously". Funny that we should let someone we don't even know or care about make us feel negatively. I don't know why that is. It has happened to me also. Stand your ground and eventually they will just lose interest and go away.


11 days!
"To hell with the detractors"-
you couldn't have said it better.
And I was so concerned by that one individual's comment that by his rude disrespectful ways would affect your writing..You never cease to amaze me.
Thanks for staying so strong-you're an excellent example to live by.

Josie Two Shoes said...

"To hell with detractors" indeed! I just went thru something similar myself, and it does shake one up to be attacked so publicly and unfairly. But these folks are really just cowards, miserable in their lives so spreading it around. If you won't even share your identity, you have nothing of value to say as far as I'm concerned. Trust the friends that are always here for you and ignore the asses - they will always be among us in the world.

abbagirl74 said...

Yes, I am one who has grown to care about you. When you are willing to call the local police because being scared shitless, well, yeah, we care. ;)

You have become such a friend to all of us. We come to you with baited breath, wondering, what will Andrew talk about today? It doesn't matter if you repost the same post ten times. I will still read it.

Okay booger, have a great day. My kid is bugging me about getting him to camp. Have an awesome day!

Annabel said...

Agreed. Write for yourself and those that care to read anything you write - the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful. Just write. Your faithful friends will read it all.

Dorion D. Rose said...

I have been reading your blog for about a month now and it has risen to the top of my bookmarks. You are very talented at crystallizing your thoughts. Please keep at it.

what made me finally "chirp" is about those negative anonymous comments. Those people are called 'trolls' and you can read about them here:

I'm a blogger too and once I read this and found out what their agenda is I found it easier to ignore them.

Keep at it man, your good.
take care.

shy_smiley said...

when you open yourself to love you open yourself to hurt. But would you stop loving because you might get hurt? Keep doing what you do, because you love it and you do it well, and to hell with the detractors! (just imagine what it's like to walk in their shoes, step after step, yard after yard, mile after mile. those shoes be getting heavy!)

AirBourne said...

I love your entries, makes me think Life is not so cruel after all

Eric said...

We would all be lesser for the lack of your writing if those 'haters' drove you to stop what is obviously a gift, a therapy, and a joy to others that read your blog.

Keep it up!

By the way, your wolf pack description could not be better put.

pai said...

Good for you!!