Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Mental Health Adventures

I handed the store clerk a $5 dollar bill to pay for my coffee and cigars.

"Do you need a lighter?" She then asked trying to make an extra sale.

"No thanks," I replied as she handed me my change.

It was a beautiful morning as I walked home. Very cool, but I must enjoy mornings such as these as the sultry days of a southern summer will soon be upon us. I passed the many houses along the way – the occupants just waking for another day. The Episcopalian church was on the corner and I marveled at its beautiful architecture. If I were a religiously inclined man, I would go to this church with its grand procession of Scottish bagpipes every Sunday at service's end.

I arrived home to the phone ringing. That sound causes my anxiety to skyrocket. I waited until my answering machine picked up. It was my father.

"Remember you have a psychiatrist's appointment at ten," he said. "I and your mother are going with you."

"Damn!" I thought. I was feeling agoraphobic today and not in the mood for some grand mental health adventure. I also don't like my parents going to the doctor with me because I cannot talk candidly with my doctor about the mental and family issues I am experiencing.

"I am going to ask the doctor to give you something for your nerves," he said.

"As long as it won't fuck me up and isn't addictive," I replied.

"I think I am going to ask him to try Klonopin," Dad said.

I sighed deeply and audibly.

"What's wrong?" my father asked.

"I just feel you all are trying to drug me up," I said. "If I wanted to be drugged up then I would drive down to Fat Albert's and buy a case of beer. That always worked wonders for my anxiety and schizophrenia."

"We will talk about this with your doctor," Dad said huffily and we got off the phone.

What he really meant is that I will sit there quietly while he and my doctor discuss what they think is best for me. I will have little to no input in the process. Oh well, it could be worse. I could be dead, homeless, or bat shiat crazy. Look at the positive, Andrew.


Jenn said...

Nice positives! I don't envy this struggle you have. Enough meds to keep me sane and just enough to not knock me out completely. Good luck at the Dr.'s today.


if he's YOUR pyschiatrist, why is your father speaking for you? It's not his therapist..It's your time..and you need to pull this person aside and tell them what you're dealing with. I don't think it's right for your father to "decide" that a certain medicine isn't or is working for you..that's up to you to decide it's your body. Just because he's a pharmacist doesn't mean he can call all the shots with you.
I know and I'm sure there's good intention somewhere with him,but this type of path that he's heading on, with you, will only lead to destruction.and the one that will feel it the most, will be you.
Somethings got to give. Does he feel that he's allowed to control your life because he may help out financially? The more power we give to people, the more controlling they's sad, but true.

Sword said...

Thats right Andrew, Look on the positive

VAfriend said...

I think you should go in to the drs office by yourself first and discuss your issues that you are having, anxiety, sleeping, etc. with the doctor and then discuss options. Then after that invite your dad in to the office with you while the doctor makes his decisions as to where to go. You need to stand up for yourself and speak to your doctor for yourself and not let your father control the situation. This is a level of respect that your father has not been able to give you. You were so good with speaking to George about your feelings and I KNOW you can speak to your doctor or at least say, "Dad, I can speak for myself".

amelia said...

Be strong Andrew, speak to the doctor alone!

You can do it!

I think you're crazy just like me said...

... at least say, "Dad, I can speak for myself".

Yes... I think that is something you can do as well. I hope your day goes well.

Barb said...

I have a father that is also a Pharmacist. I think that during their schooling, they are taught that they should manage everyone's pharaceutical needs always and forever. I also know that Hipa Regulations forbid doctors from discussing a patient's medical care without the express written permission from the patient. Given that new law, perhaps your doctor will think twice about discussing your mental or physical health with anyone but you. However, good luck, and blog on with confidence and grace.

You are awesome!

Trying2BMe said...

The positive is that you have the option to speak up and say what you think and feel. Not knowing all the situation, but I do know that your opinions about your healthcare should be heard and respected.

I'll wish you strength, courage and wisdom today. Have a great appointment.

Rich said...

Maybe while you go to these visits with your parents you could also ask to speak to the Doctor in private while your folks wait outside.

Grad007 said...

As rich suggests, you could ask your
Psychiatrist if you could speak with him in private. I expect that he must oblige. I hope the meeting goes well!!

Summer said...

The Hippa laws will protect you and your rights. So, what happened?

Stu said...

I love my Klonopin. It keeps me in a place where I feel ok about being out in the world. It gives me courage. Hang in there, life is to be lived.