Monday, April 30, 2007

To Soothe the Savage Soul

Sat on my favorite bench in my favorite park after midnight listening to the radio, staring at my small town's skyline stretched out before me. City lights danced in the distance mirrored by the background of a starry night sky. It was all staggeringly beautiful and I was glad to be able to enjoy this moment with a semi sane mind – my medications doing their job. I didn't realize how much I had missed these pseudo southern summer nights after such a winter of long, disparaging periods of cold darkness. It was a beautiful, spring night as a bright waxing gibbous moon marched stalwartly across the night sky soon to be full. It made me think of my father often saying a full moon brings the crazies into his pharmacy. I never believed such claptrap, but it did make me smile to think of rabid pill takers insanely assaulting my father's pharmacy for their monthly fix of medications. I have been known to stand outside the pharmacy awaiting its opening doors to get my fix as well – although I am not sure if the moon was full or not.

A fog soon started to roll in off that grand Chattahoochee as the one 'o' clock hour arrived – that grand abandoned cotton mill turning a dark grey in the mist alit by moonlight. I pulled on my backpack and thought of Summer and her concerns about me and my nightly travails through town in the wee hours of the morning with my most valuable possessions slung upon my back. I have always been an affable man with what I will do and the friends that I make. Take the gang for instance – all mostly unsavory individuals with which my life has become intertwined. I guess it would take just one bad experience and my affableness would be cured for good.

Arrived home to find man's best friend at my door vigorously wagging her tail. I have had a lot of companions in my life both human and animal and none has been gladder to see me or more loving than this little mutt of a dog. I got down on the floor and vigorously scratched Maggie's back as she licked my arms and smelled every available square inch of me as if my body was a book of my travels with which she could read by smell.

Thought long and hard of yesterday evening and being spurned by that Celtic beauty, Dana. It embarrassed me deeply, but I was a better man for trying. Events such as yesterday help me overcome my social anxieties and fears. Practice makes perfect as they say and there is no better therapy than experiencing real life situations for one with my condition. I do hope we can just be friends and help each other in our newfound sobriety. I look forward to seeing her smiling face at my meeting tomorrow night and hope she harbors no ill will towards me because of my mild advances the previous evening.


Terri said...

I love that visual "smelled every available square inch of me as if my body was a book of my travels with which she could read by smell" about Maggie and it is true, she could probably tell alot about where you had been! There is nothing like that unconditional love and affection that a dog gives is there?

Andrew said...


There truly isn't anything else like it. Hope you are well and doing okay. Thanks for the comment! :-)


Cheryl said...

I hope you enjoy this beautiful spring day. I'm off to work in the garden for the rest of the day. I need the sunshine therapy.

KYRIE said...

I am sorry to hear about the celtic beauty. But it always never hurts to have a beautiful friend, right?
I am feeling kinda guilty for egging u on to pursue Dana.
Hope ur not feeling too sad. Have a nice day ok.

Gina said...

Just never you mind these kind of benign rejections. Remember it was coming our of her own need to feel safe. This will come with time and observation of your character. I feel sorry that she was not in a place to take what must have felt like a risk to her...Thank God for dogs!!! Love your writing. Some nice girl is gonna fall heavy for you, Senor. It's gonna happen and when it rains, it pours! Celtic rain. Ah let it rain, but not today!!

Josie said...

Be of good courage Andrew! You didn't do anything inappropriate by asking her out for coffee and conversation. If she's not in a place right now to be comfortable with that, it's not a reflection on you. Since she asks if you're coming to the meetings, it's obvious that she enjoys your company there. Keep going, it's nice to anticipate a friendly face!

somebody's dream-body said...

Hi Andrew.
I tried to post a comment before, not sure if it worked.. I know I'm new here, and hope I haven't made you uncomfortable at all by commenting. Just wanted to let you know I enjoyed your writing and can relate to a lot of the issues of struggling to stay sober and mental health ups and downs.. Hope you're having a good one.


Lone Grey Squirrel said...

Hi Andrew, from your previous post, I don't sense that "you were shot down in flames". I think Celtic Beauty wants to know you better but her priority at the moment is not a relationship as you might hope. She probably needs a friend right now and there's no reason you can't be there for her in that way. Be patient. Friendships develop and sometimes travel unexpected roads. Don't push. You'll win her over with your sincerety and character. Ah.....I've chased after Celtic Beauties before. They're so alluringly mysterious, aren't they? God bless.

Jenn said...

I think she was there at the AA meeting for support, not dating. She showed up in sweats, so she clearly wasn't trying to project any kind of sexy image. Give her a break. She has an addiction and was seeking some place safe to get help. You should leave her alone and let her make the moves when she's ready.

Melanie said...

hey, you know, you met her at an AA meeting. so there's a good chance that her not wanting to get involved had to do with myriad other issues in her life that need resolving, not necessarily a rejection of *you*. if she's new to recovery especially, it's a bad idea to get into a romantic relationship while you're in that vulnerable, highly transitional phase. i'd say there's a good chance that it's not personal in the least.


Be patient...things will work out with D.c. (dana Celtic)Don't they say that will undergoing classes at the beginning, it's best not to involve yourself in a new relationship until you've gone through all the steps?
Just a thought...
good things always will come from the rough.
Enjoy the beautiful day, and be safe.

PipeTobacco said...


Just a brief note... hoping all is well. Your writing is so punctual that a day and a half delay is a bit of a cause for concern.

Hope you are having fun and please write when you can!