Rosa and I had our customary phone conversation before going to bed last night. I lay in my bed with my cordless phone up to my ear, yawning, until things grew interesting…
“I feel like using tonight,” She told me with an air of seriousness to her voice.
“Stinkin’ thinkin’,” I said. “You need to get to a meeting.”
“You know how I feel about those Alcoholics Anonymous meetings,” She replied. “I am not an alcoholic. I only went that time to support you.”
“Then go to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting,” I said. “I will go with you.”
“You sure you don’t mind?” She asked.
“That’s what friends are for,” I said.
I then yawned loudly and rolled over on my side as I lit a cigar. A wispy whirl of bluish smoke curled around my face lit by my bedside lamp.
“I’m boring you, aren’t I?” She then asked after a short pause.
“Doll, no. I am just tired. It has been a long day,” I replied. “I will find us a meeting online and we will go tomorrow night.”
“Thank you,” She said. “I will let you go to sleep.”
We said good night and hung up our phones.
I know that feeling of wanting to use all too well. It is as if the less better angels of your nature are sitting upon your shoulder and nagging you to do what you know is not best.
“One drink won’t hurt,” They will say. “You will feel better.”
Sadly, I can’t have just one drink as one will soon grow to twenty or more often drinking and driving to get another fix. When that stinkin’ thinkin’ starts, I know to get to a meeting ASAP. Going is paramount to all other things in my life during that moment. I have a lot of empathy for what Rosa was going through last night.