I once again ran into the Celtic beauty at my nightly AA meeting. Her red hair flowed down around her shoulders and her perky lips were a subdued rouge complementing her hair as she sat a few chairs down from me. She also had on a pair of comfortable looking grey sweat pants and a L.A. Lakers sweat shirt. I wondered if she liked basketball. Her name is Dana.
During tonight's AA meeting we discussed the twelve steps as a road to recovery. Much was said of Alcohol being a disease of the mind and of the spirit. I thought of all the terrible things done while drunk – things said rashly – that I would never do when sober and of a rational mind. The say alcoholism is a form of insanity – always doing the same thing and hoping for a different outcome. I agree with that.
The meeting ended and I walked Dana to her car. I thought we were becoming fast friends. Reality brought my hopes to a screeching halt.
"Would you like to go get some coffee and talk over at the Waffle House?" I asked, mustering up all my courage and subduing my social anxieties for a brief moment.
She smiled uncomfortably and said, "I am just coming out of a terrible divorce. I would rather not get involved, but I am flattered that you asked."
"Damn!" I thought as I was shot down in flames - spiraling to the ground. I could feel my knees grow weak, faltering and a sweat broke out upon my forehead out of nervousness and shame.
"I'm so sorry," I said, apologizing profusely. "I didn't know."
"It's okay. Don't worry about it," she said. "Will I see you tomorrow night?"
"Yeah," I replied, trying to regain my composure as my voice squeaked. "I will see you here."
She shut her car door and drove off to home. I felt like such a fool. It was not the first time I have been turned down by a woman, but it felt as if it was the worst time. I just knew from the other night that she wanted to get to know me better. She seemed so outwardly friendly with me – mixed signals. Oh well, at least I tried. I would have never known unless I asked. Better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all – and I had already fallen in love with the idea of dating this woman. Next time, I will stick my toe in the water to test the temperature more carefully before diving in.