Sunday, April 8, 2007

Restless Thoughts and Feelings

I am feeling sad and out of sorts today. I am deeply worred about Ferret. I walked downtown to watch a train pass hoping it would lift my spirits. It did little to help. I feel restless and as if I am about to jump out of my skin.

The last leg of my walk found me over by the shopping center. I ran into Ferret and found him sober, but cold.
I had to bite my tongue when Ferret said that. Luck had nothing to do with it. Ferret was homeless because he started back drinking. I wanted to tell him so, but decided to keep that to myself.
“What did you do last night to stay warm?” I asked. “It was cold as hell.”

“I walked down to Krystal’s and sat up all night drinking coffee and reading newspapers ,” he replied.

“Don’t drink Monday,” I told him. “Remember, we are supposed to go to Opelika to talk to social security.”

“I got another tent and sleeping bag,” Ferret then said dodging the subject, proudly. “I set them up over by the river.”

“Well, maybe this cold snap will not last very long,” I replied. “It is supposed to warm back up the middle of next week.”

“Having this cold would just be my luck,” Ferret said. “Just when I get to be homeless again, Mother Nature decides to be a bitch.”

I had to bite my tongue when Ferret said that. Luck had nothing to do with it. Ferret was homeless because he started back drinking. I wanted to tell him so, but decided to keep that to myself. My relationship with Ferret can be tenuous at best these days when he is not taking his medications and I felt I could damage it with being too honest and blunt with what I have to say.

Ferret so reminds me of my homeless days as well. My only goal in life was getting my next drink and a pack of smokes. Even eating came secondary. I shuddered to think that my life used to be like that. It shows how debased alcoholism can make your life and you begin to be one of the dregs of society.

I then walked home, sad and wistful, as I thought of my homeless friend. I and Ferret have been through a lot together and I view him as my kindred spirit. I am not a very religious man, but I said a small prayer for Ferret on this Easter Sunday that God would see fit to find him a home. God speed, Ferret.


Cheryl said...

I am glad that you are such a compassionate person and friend to Ferret. Finding him sober today might be a sign of things to come. There's always hope.

Jena said...

i always think that there's always hope.
welcome to my blog.

Eric Valentine said...

Anonymous, I guess I'll bite my tongue on that one ~ The answer to your problem is obvious!

Andrew, you have struggled a lot recently with religious thoughts. On a day like today and with the problems of Ferret. It's not too difficult to want to save the World. You are a good friend for him.

claret said...

Wouldn't it be nice to have a friend like you. You sound to be a very strong person that has got over the bad times in your life. I wish you well and please don't stop being the person you are. This world needs more caring people like you!

Melanie said...

it's very rough watching someone you care about stumbling this way. it's very hard seeing someone you know become homeless, knowing how hard it will be for them to get themselves back out of it once they are down there. i don't think i'll ever be able to forget how hard it was to watch my mom in that situation. i was a basket case trying to leave it alone, support her without swooping in and taking her life in hand. you're a big hearted man to stick with ferret during this time, when it must fill you with flashbacks and bad memories to be faced with what he is doing to himself.

FCSuper said...

You seem like a sweet person. I like your quote box feature. Is this code or do you make that manually?

abbagirl74 said...

I thought of you and the gang many times today as I was preparing my dinner for the "family". I couldn't help think about Dan every time I opened the cupboard and saw the cans of spaghetti o's. I also thought of Big S when I was putting the cans of Big K soda on the back porch. Funny, huh? And when we were all sitting down to eat, I said a little prayer for you. I asked that you be protected from all of your temptations and harm. I asked for one day when we can meet and I am able to meet the gang. Wouldn't that be fun?

Hope you had a wonderful day.