Friday, April 27, 2007

Oasis in the Night

Another night was spent in my tent sleeping upon the ground. My father will stand at his bedroom window and watch me as I bed down for the night - my tent lit and glowing by my candle lantern like a great green and orange pumpkin in the backyard. My sleeping in the backyard disturbs him, but what can he do? He knows I am on my medications as I have to walk over to his house nightly and take them to ease his mind. I have to wait thirty minutes so he can be assured I will not throw them back up and they have a chance to take effect. I do feel better these days with his help. I love him dearly and don’t mean to worry him.

I have just struggled so with insomnia and found I sleep better outside now that the weather has turned far kinder. For months after I regained a home from my homelessness, I would sleep on the floor of my bedroom in my sleeping bag. The bed was far too soft and unfamiliar to get a good night’s sleep. Maybe my recent forays into the backyard camping harkens back to those homeless days long past. I certainly have slept much better lately, if only brokenly.

Set out for this morning’s hike around 1am. It was another gorgeous night, if rather damp, after all the rain of yesterday. I trudged past the many dark houses in my neighborhood – the occupants long asleep. Street lights at intervals lit my way with their sodium halide lighting – like little oasis in the dark of the night. I deeply breathed in that cool night air filling my lungs with welcomed oxygen and exhaled with a sigh. All was right in my little world for yet another morning.

Passed the convenience store around 2am and didn’t stop. My social anxieties got the better of me this morning. I just couldn’t bear the mindless small talk. I saw my favorite clerk through that big plate glass window sitting on the counter no doubt reading another porno magazine as he smoked cigarettes and played pocket pool. As usual, the parking lot was deserted as I trudged by. I thanked my lucky stars that I didn’t have to spend long and sleepless nights bored out of my mind working such a menial job. I admire that man and the work he does that makes the world go round – selling the gas and convenience items that make our lives easier.

Well, let me get some coffee started and let Maggie out for her morning run. It will soon be 5am and my favorite radio program will help me greet this new morning. I hope you all have a great day and I will write again soon as the day progresses and something interesting happens. Good day dear friends.


Eric Valentine said...

Morning Andrew, everything under control I can see. Keep the ball rolling.. Have a great day. :))

Summer said...

Morning Andrew!

Tory said...

Good morning, Andrew. Hope you have a great day as well!

Terroni said...

Good morning, Andrew!
As I read this, I couldn't help but wonder, "Does he take afternoon naps?"
Or are you just tired all the time from walking while the rest of us are snoozing?
Either way, I hope you have a great day!

Cheryl said...

Good day to you, my friend. Thank you for such a wonderful comment yesterday. That put a smile on my face. I hope this day finds you happy.

Melanie said...

i'm in awe of the complexity of the situation with you and your father. i can understand, to a certain extent, the tug of war with the meds. when i'm manic, i don't feel like i need my meds and i get very suspicious of anyone who suggests that i do - my first thought is that they are trying to control me. which...ok, to be honest, is based on some real life experiences with Significant Others of the past. but in any case, i have had that feeling and those thoughts somewhat, and i know it's very hard to suspend your disbelief and take them anyway. it's like the part of your mind that knows how bad the repercussions of stopping can be, somehow gets temporary amnesia. it sucks having your brain fight you that way.

it also must be tremendously hard to be a grown man and to have to submit to the safeguards that your father has in place. the amount of grace with which you are accepting his safeguards is astounding and speaks volumes about the content of your character, in my opinion. it takes the cooperation of both of you to keep things going well.


Have a great weekend and fabulous friday Mr. 4th ave Andrew!

amelia said...

Just curious!

Do you take Maggie on your nocturnal kikes or does she snooze while you're out? Being a dog I would have thought she'd be ready for a walk any time. I have four of my own!

d. chedwick bryant said...

i love sleeping out in tents-- my dad isn't around to check on me anymore, but people always seem to worry about people who like to camp out--even just in the back yard.