She was having another tough night after the experience earlier with getting to hear from her daughter and I invited her over for the night. As is often the case with those of us who struggle with addictions, family matters can be hard on us.
“I’m scared,” Rosa told me as we sat in my den. “I am scared I will ruin things and use again.”
“Take it one day at a time,” I told her. “Keep it simple.”
I walked into the kitchen and fixed us a pot of coffee as Rosa sat in my den with the TV on, smoking a cigarette. I was deeply, deeply lonely last night and welcomed the company.
“Have you ever thought of having kids?” Rosa then asked me as we sat drinking coffee.
“Oh, no,” I replied as I smiled. “I have a hard time taking care of myself some days, let alone taking care of some kids.”
“Didn’t your ex-wife want children?”
“She couldn’t have any,” I replied. “She had cysts in her ovaries.”
“I think you would make a wonderful father,” Rosa then said. “You are so kind and caring.”
A tear rolled down my cheek and I stifled back a sob.
“I wish I could have been a father,” I replied wiping away the tear. “I would hate to pass on this terrible disease though.”
“I didn’t mean to upset you,” Rosa said with great care.
“It’s okay,” I replied.
We walked upstairs and I turned on the air conditioning. Rosa got under the covers and in the bed, and I lay on the bed next to her as we talked until way after midnight. I felt her hand reach out for mine in the dark and I clasped it.
“I don’t know what I would do without you,” She said softly and sleepily.
“I know,” I replied. “I feel the same.”
Rosa then went sound asleep and I quietly walked downstairs to work on my novel for awhile while I drank coffee and smoked cigarettes. It has been another insomnia fueled night. At least, one of us is getting some rest.
Someone had asked in my comments when I will be moving into my new house. I have two things left to do then I will be able to move in. Jimmy James has to finish building the back steps to my laundry room and then install Maggie’s dog door. I am waiting on Jimmy James to finish a job he is currently working on. Hopefully, I will be moved in, in a few weeks. I have waited two years for this to happen so a few weeks is not going to hurt me.