Monday, April 9, 2007

A Life Fraught with Dangers Thwarted

I look back on these past few years with a certain fondness despite some setbacks. Things have come such a long way since my homeless days. There have been some trying times, but life is fraught with such moments. My life is mostly calm, quiet, and serene, whereas it used to be constant chaos. My father says it is because I am taking my medications for my schizophrenia religiously. I think it is a multitude of things.

I was talking to Dad just last night about some of these things. We were sitting in his den as we watched The Weather Channel.

“Do you still want to drink these days?” He asked me.

“Every day,” I replied, honestly. “I will always be an alcoholic.”

“One big difference is that we can talk to you,” He said. “When you are not on your medications and drinking, you are unruly.”

“I can’t see or feel when I get like that,” I replied.

“You’re incorrigible,” Dad said. “And you will do stuff that is not in your best interests.”

I went back to my mother’s bedroom and gave her a hug after telling my father goodbye. I walked home with the path ahead lit by my little flashlight. I thought of how much my parents mean to me and how they have both stuck by me through thick and thin. Despite all that has happened in my short life, my father still takes time out of his busy day to help me and see about me. My mother also does what she can despite her own battles with schizophrenia.

I realize I am one of the lucky few. It is far easier, although expensive, to put a mentally ill family member in a group home or psychiatric ward of a hospital to languish in loneliness and caged solitude. I am afforded a certain freedom not experienced by many with this disease of the brain. I am able to maintain a very good quality of life as long as I am careful, don’t drink, take my medications, and keep social and other stressors to a minimum. My life will always have certain limitations, but it is a small price to pay for a certain sense of normalcy not afforded to most with schizophrenia.


KYRIE said...

When I read bout ur talks with ur father, I always miss my talks with my dad even though it has been years since he passed away. They always will be the rocks we could depend on.

DraMa said...

You are very lucky to have the parents you have. Your dad may not be perfect, but he does look out for you:)

abbagirl74 said...

Hey dad! Thanks for taking care of our Andrew!

I am so thankful for your dad, even though he can be a "parent" at times. He just cares so much and I know he wouldn't let anything go wrong. You are fortunate.

Hey! Have a wonderful day booger!

Cheryl said...

You are so fortunate to have the parents that you do. I think your Dad loves you as much as you love him, and that you've a very important part of his life. You always tell him that you love him. It's a blessing that you're able to live with your mental illness with as much normalcy as possible. You work hard on that.

PipeTobacco said...


I presume you received my e-mails?


zirelda said...

You know, I don't know what I would do without my mother. My father passed away about 18 years ago. I still listen to him in my mind.

You've got good family and that's a rare commodity.

Rich said...

I always enjoy posts of gratitude.

I always say when I see someone less fortunate than I:

but for the grace of god go I"

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

Its good to recognise one's blessings. Having a loving family is certainly one of the greatest blessings. I've no doubt that your parents have been a great help. But I also applaud you for your decision and will to get better and stay better. :)

Kay said...

hi. I just happened upon your blog and it's great! Your writing makes your life and friends jump off the page. Thank you for sharing.
And I am so glad you are making the choices necessary to be healthy! God bless you.

Terri said...

this is one of the posts you'll have to earmark for future reference when you are down or upset at your father. Having your family to watch out for you is definitely a blessing, not a curse.

SereneMinx said...

Parents can be amazing. While mine are supportive right now, I've had conversations with my step-dad that indicate he is clueless to what's going on in my head. I'm just grateful for the support even without the understanding. I'm so happy to hear you've got your support system, too.

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Anonymous said...

hi andrew!

I just read some of your stories and I really must say I can feel you.

I am suffering from schizophrenia for about 5 years now and also stayed three times in a hospital.

I really want to recommend Seroquel to you, as an antipsychotic and antidepressant it is really state-of-the-art. I am telling you this because you wrote that you use Zyprexa, which is not only pretty old but has more side-effects. (I use Seroquel for five years now and only ran into problems cause I thought I do not need them... you know these stories)

I would talk about this with your doctor, but it could be that he/she won't change your medication, depending what you have to take throughout the day.

Good luck though and be brave! This illness is a pure demon, I can tell. I lost too much because of this shit.

With kind regards