That is my latest symptom of my schizophrenia, giddiness. You will often find me smiling or laughing when I am supposed to be sad or frowning. I told my sister, who is a physician, about it yesterday.
“You feel giddy?” my sister asked, fascinated.
“I haven’t felt this good in years,” I replied. “I can’t help but smile and laugh all the time.”
“Do you laugh and smile when you are not supposed to?” She then asked.
“Yes,” I replied. “It often happens when I am by myself or when something bad has happened.”
“Interesting,” my sister said. “I haven’t heard of this happening with schizophrenia. I like how you describe it as giddiness though. You have a way with words.”
Rosa also told me my giddiness is contagious. Every time I laugh, she will start smiling and laughing as well. My father thinks there is something bad wrong with me and is growing very concerned. He feels it foretells another episode with my mental illness.
“Are you okay?” he asked me last night for the hundredth time.
“I feel fine,” I replied, smiling. “It’s just kind of uncomfortable that I will do this at untoward moments.”
“You are worrying the shit out of me,” he then said.
“I can’t help it,” I replied, emphatically.
Today, we are having a big birthday for me and my sister along with barbeque, homemade ice cream, and a birthday cake. I am trying to find ways of getting out of it. I am sure my father has invited a hundred people over for the party and the social aspects of such a gathering will make me extremely uncomfortable and ill. My idea of a birthday party is just me and the family getting together for some cake and ice cream. Not this grand spectacle my father feels compelled to put on. Wish me luck on getting out of this mess today. I need all the help I can get.