Thursday, March 29, 2007

A Visitor in the Night

Dad came by tonight to check on me. I had my lights off and was lying in the bed listening to The Golden Age of Radio broadcast over the internet. I heard my door unlock and he walked into my darkened den calling out to me. Maggie went totally apeshit crazy she was so excited to get some company. I had to jump out of the bed and pick her up to keep her from rushing outside when dad opened my backdoor. She would have stayed out all night if I hadn’t to have acted quickly. It would devastate me if something were to happen to her. I couldn’t live without her.

“What’s going on?” Dad said as he went immediately to my refrigerator to check for beer. “It’s not like you to have your lights off so early. It just seems strange. I hope you are not drinking.”

“I was just lying in the bed listening to the radio,” I replied. “You can smell my breath for alcohol.”

Dad had me blow on his face to do our customary alcohol check. He had also brought this week’s medications carefully packed in their bubble pack.

“I want you to take this lithium and let’s see if it will stabilize your moods and stop these bad days you seem to have cyclically,” He told me. “Promise me you are going to take it.”

I took lithium years ago and it always upset my stomach. My father was concerned I wouldn’t take it because of that side effect.

“I promise,” I replied.

“Give me a hug,” Dad then said as he wrapped his arms around me. “We are going to keep trying till we find the right medications and get you well.”

I walked out upon my driveway as I waved at dad as he drove off. I worried tonight about a comment Dorid had written me earlier in the day about me writing on that post about Dad treating me as if I am retarded and not mentally ill. It has troubled me deeply tonight. That was a terrible thing to write and no person cares about me more than my father. He has stuck by me through thick and thin, and terrible times dealing with my illness. He worked 12 hours today and still took the time to bring me my medications, check on me, and to make sure I was sober. I realize I am truly blessed to have such a father and should not be so callous with the words I write upon this blog about him. Yes, he can treat me like a small child sometimes, but I have been known to act like one as well.


austere said...

Ah fathers!

simonsays said...

You ARE lucky to have such a great dad. It's good that you realize that. Hope your day is great!

Jay M. said...

You're lucky to have people like that in your life. Sometimes you have to think about where you would be without them.

KYRIE said...

I agree with jay. Ur blessed to hv a father who is all always there 4 u. Not everyone is tht lucky. My dad died whn I was in high school and without him in my life after tht, my life had been pretty rough . So cherish ur dad!

Dorid said...

I didn't mean to cause you distress. I know that like everyone else you have feelings that come and go. I was trying to understand, and a lot of it may have been projection, because I am struggling with it from a parent's standpoint with my own son.

Cheryl said...

There was a time quite a while ago when you had some bad problems with your Dad. I've been so relieved that it's in the past, and that you have someone like him so devoted to you and your well-being. Go dad!!

Jennifer said...

Andrew, As a parent it is so hard to walk that balance! Trying to let your child be their own person as you fight the urge to protect them from every little (and big) bump in the road. I know that I feel my daughter's every pain, every moment of lonliness and dispair, as if it were happening to me. Actually, it's worse than if it were just happening to me, that would be easier to take. I'm sure those are the kinds of things your dad is feeling with you too. Sometimes it makes parents do things that make their children feel...well, like children. I can see it from your point for sure but when I read your blog I also think about how your father must ache for the things you must endure. Plus, it is a parent's job to drive their kids up the wall!!

Jenera Healy said...

Though it may at times seem that your father may be a bit over-bearing or over-protective, be thankful that he is taking the effort and time to help you stay on the good path. Many parents would just walk away and take the 'easy' road. You can tell that he truly loves you and cares about you. Think about it, you'd probably be upset if he DIDN'T do the things you tell us all of. When he's at his 'worst' though, just smile and nod.


abbagirl74 said...

I love your dad. He reminds me of my own. I am so glad he does check up on you. I think he does so because he loves you so much and doesn't want anything bad to happen to you. Your brother and sister live so far away, it's probably easy for him to be so protective. It's how parents are. That never changes regardless of how old you get.