Thursday, March 1, 2007

Rainy Mornings Ally...

I awoke this morning in a drunken stupor. It was thundering outside fiercely. Each crash of thunder would make me think the house was coming down around me.

Maggie was lying on the bed beside me.

“I love you girl,” I said as I petted her.

Maggie sighed softly and curled up on the bed beside me.

I laid there in the bed thinking of yesterday. My parents had made a grand spectacle of me having a few beers. I missed Rosa. I wish she would stop by so I could curl up in the bed with her. I needed a woman’s touch; an older woman at that that didn’t make a mountain out of a mole hill.

Well, I am going to drink three more beers and go back to bed. That’s all I have left.

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12 comments:

Anonymous said...

get up.
shower.
brush your teeth.
find a meeting.

If your reading this, the hardest one is done--you're up.

Anonymous said...

I wish I could say that getting over this was going to be easy, but it's not. You need to get help and get it now. That is a very steep slippery slope you are treading and it seems you are taking more steps back then forward.

Lets see the progression recently. Carolyn had reintroduced herself into your life, the same woman who on 2 other occasions has left you because of your disease or your friends. Her recent appearance and arguments has brought back thoughts of your ex-wife who also left you due to your problems.

Your father now has power of attorney over you and another piece of your freedom is gone.

You surround yourself with people who are enablers and have similar problems or worse than your own.

You took a mouthful of pills stating you only wanted to get the high, yet the next day Rosa comes over drunk, and instead of helping her you use her as excuse to get drunk. Then when you are found drunk by your father you cop out and claim you want to die.

Instead of getting up today and starting fresh, you decide that finishing off the beer is a better idea.

I am sorry that you are in such a bad place and only wish you would seek the help you need.

SimplyTim said...

Andrew: It's all about choices.

And it's all about timing about choices.

I like what Anonymous said:

Get up. (Choice)

Shower. (choice)

Brush your teeth. (choice)

Find a meeting (choice)

and I would add:

Pick up a white coin. (I like the color) (Choice)

Go! Now! (choice)

Or don't go (choice)

As they say, keep it simple -

May I add one further observation based on personal experience:

Alcohol makes complicated things simple and simple things complicated. But only always.

Kristen said...

I called Andrew and read some of these comments to his answering machine.

Andrew, please listen. You do have choices.

Sylvie said...

Hi Andrew!
I have no doubt that you will bounce back...you are far too strong a person ( far stronger then you even give yourself credit for) to let this kick your ass like this.
I'm not going to beat you up about this..I think you're going to do that part very well on your own. I hope you don't dwell longer then necessary. Feel bad..mourn the loss of progress you had made, then get on with the next chapter. Minute by minute, hour by hour..eventually day by day.
We are all pulling for you and want only the best for you.
Big hugs!!

Sylvie

DraMa said...

Kristen, thank you for calling him. He needs his friends right now...

Andrew, please please listen to your friends! Get yourself straight and get to a meeting immediately. Call Wanda! She can help you!

Rosa can't help you right now. Wanda can.

Andrew we adore you and want you to get back to the positives you were talking about so recently.

You will have your own home soon... you are building a great life, don't ruin it.

Claudia said...

Be strong... we support you. You have so much to offer the world (us included) and the world has so much to offer you. Think about the sunrises, the nsture walks, Maggie... All that brings you happiness. Know we are all pulling for you to be happy, safe and healthy, no matter what choices you make.

Fallen Star said...

Given that each of us has 10's of billions of brain cells which may or may not be functioning optimally due to simple genetics or assaults by various enviromental agents or a myriad of chemicals that ironically have been created by brains, it completely boggles my mind on how any of us get through the day without breaking down.

Reread ANONYMOUS comment #2.

LAB said...

Andrew - I hope that can see how many people here are rooting for you to succeed. However, we are also here to help pick you up and carry you when things like this do happen. Granted we are not physically there with you, but nonetheless we are here hoping/praying/wishing/thinking about you and your well-being always.

Lisa

Rich said...

the only requirement for membership is the "DESIRE" to stop drinking - nothing else

fiwa said...

You're still in my thoughts. I hope you wake up to a fresh start.
{{{hugs}}}

abbagirl74 said...

Well, I won't call unless you want me to. I feel that sometimes I burden you when I did call. Your dad should have taken the beer with him.