“Calm down,” He said, cooly. “I am going to drive you down. Will that make it easier?”
Today is my father’s day off from work and I hated to impose, but I am having a terrible go of things today. I am experiencing agoraphobia where I panic at the prospect of leaving the house. I really needed the care and love of my family today and my father was there.
“Have you taken your medications?” He then asked me, concerned.
“I took everything, but the buspar,” I replied. "It makes me feel weird."
“Go take your buspar and call me back in an hour and let’s see if it helps,” He said. “It is supposed to work wonders for anxiety.”
I took my medicine and sat down in my quiet den. The only sound was that of the birds calling outside my open windows and it was comforting.
I realized that today would have been a prime drinking day when I was using. Alcohol would subdue my inhibitions and make my anxiety melt away. I would drink beer after beer until I forgot my problems and would soon pass out in the bed. I now realize why so many mentally ill people abuse substances in their efforts to do anything to feel better.
Well, let me go get some laundry going if I am going to have something to wear to the doctor’s appointment. Hopefully, my buspar will help. I am already feeling kind of “high” from it’s effects. I will talk to you all again soon when I am in a better mental frame of mind. Good day.