Friday, March 16, 2007

Over Medicated?

I and my father sat over at Rodger’s Barbecue eating lunch today. I ordered the super burger and fries and my father got the hamburger steak with a baked potato. I swear, they are going to set up a special table in the corner just for me I eat there so often lately. I and my father started to talk about my medications and the effects they’ve had upon me recently.

“I feel extremely dizzy after taking my Luvox,” I told him. “It is almost a sensation of being drunk. It makes me apprehensive about taking it. It is a disconcerting feeling.”

I agreed. Coming off my medications is a vicious cycle and I think I am cured and get on a crazy and deluded high. I think my family is trying to control me and subdue me with the many pills they try and force upon me. It takes a hospital visit to get me back on track many times.

“You look so good though and seem to be doing so much better,” He replied. “You take those medications. It is not going to kill you.”

“Someone wrote on my journal today about eating more healthily and cutting down on their medications over the years. They called them poisons,” I then said.

“What was their diagnosis?” My father asked.

“Bi-polar,” I replied.

“We are not talking about some wild mood swings here,” Dad said. “You hear and see shit and think cameras are in the walls and bugs are in your phone. Tofu and organic food ain’t gonna cure your skewed brain chemistry.”

I smiled. My father was right. I enjoyed how he facetiously said Tofu and organic food. My father can have such a wry sense of humor sometimes.

“They called them poisons, eh?” My father said as he was leaving a tip upon the table. “That sounds like you when you are not medicated. You get paranoid and think we are trying to control you.”

I agreed. Coming off my medications is a vicious cycle and I think I am cured and get on a crazy and deluded high. I think my family is trying to control me and subdue me with the many pills they try and force upon me. It takes a hospital visit to get me back on track many times.

We then stood at the register as my father was paying.

“I am going to put sixty more dollars on his tab,” Dad told the cashier as she took out the envelope and ticket to add the amount.

“Thanks,” I said. “I really enjoy getting a good cooked meal every day and some vegetables.”

“You can’t cook and do all that,” My father said as we walked out into the parking lot to our cars. “I’ll pick you up at 9am in the morning.”

“I’ll be ready to go,” I said as I watched him get in his car and drive off.

I got in my car and drove home as well.

post signature

14 comments:

Jenera Healy said...

I stumbled upon your blog the other day and I must say I enjoy reading it and have added to it my fave links on my blog.

It is refreshing to see someone who is living with a...challenge such as yourself and being so open about it and introspective. Not to trivialize your life, but I too deal with depression and anxiety attacks. I take medicine everyday. It was tough to admit I had an issue and only with the help of my family could I do it.

Do not let others make you feel that the meds are bad for you or anything. You take them for a reason.

Also, I know there are certain meds I won't take because of how they make me feel. I would definitely talk to your doctor about that-there are so many out there.

I will definitely check back in to your blog frequently.

Jenera
http://jenerahealy.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

like ur kind of freaky histories :), it´s a little fun for me at the very begginig of my day. I´m a spanish guy, and i write more things to you but suddenly got an unoportunate emergency :S
is my english all right?
be good
bye.

Katie said...

My brother is 18 and has been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenic and some other things. He isn't taking the meds like he should and thinks my parents are trying to control his life.

Reading your post was like listening to my brother talk to my Dad on a good day. I miss his good days, he doesn't have very many right now.

You blog is wonderful, I'm adding it to my list. Have a great weekend! :)

mosiacmind said...

Hi...I am glad that you had a good time with your dad. It looks like you keep getting more readers so that is very cool...lots is going on with me and my system this week....add to that the weather changes warm then bitter cold....add to that my bipolar is getting worse...getting about 2 hours a sleep a night....all of the changes in my life going on with therapist leaving and such and it has been a chaotic week for me...oh and add onto that had some bad food that made me sick........anyway hope that you have a good weekend.......Liz

Augs Casa said...

Super burger, steak burger and BBQ all in the same sentence. Life is good. Sigh! HA HA HA I enjoy your dad's dry sense of humor, reminds me of my brother's humor.

acwo said...

Hi!
Interesting blog, I like it :)
keep it up!
acwo
http://tytka.blogspot.com

Fallen Star said...

You have a good dad.

M said...

Hm. I am a big believer in taking as few medicines as possible for whatever ails ya! I have migraines and asthma. I research both illnesses as much as possible, trying to find natural ways to alleviate the symptoms.

At this point, I don't think the medical field has many alternative non-pharmacuetical ways to alleviate the symptoms of schizophrenia. I bet in 20 years they will.

Hopefully, 20 years from now you will still be blogging and you can talk about the "old days" when you took a handful of pills everyday.

Andrew said...

M,

Hopefully so. I would rather not have to take so many pills everyday to afford a stable way of life. I am terrible at remembering to take them and the side effects can be unpleasant. Unfortunately, the good outweighs the bad in this case as far as schizophrenia is concerned. I am bat shiat crazy without my meds. I realize people's aversion to them though and would never want to make light of someone choosing a natural herbal or dietary path of recovery. It just hasn't worked very successful for me and I also choose the path of least resistance as far as my recovery is concerned.

Summer said...

Hey Guy! It's snowing here the day before St. Patrick's Day. What up with that? We were in flip flops and eating dinner on the deck just a few days ago.

I understand about medicines being poison. I take some for my RA and my depression that I'm sure aren't the best thing for me. But... it makes my life easier and happier. I ask my doctor about them and he brushes me off, so you know that he knows what I know. Maybe, livng in the moment and making the best of it is the way to go.

I hope you get some rest tonight. Sweet dreams Andrew.

C

Cheryl said...

Your dad wants you to be well, and appear well, no matter how you feel. "You take those medications. It is not going to kill you." He does love you, and I do like his sense of humor. I like both of your parents.

austere said...

Nah let me for a change NOT get on to the medicine high horse; tell me how the french fries were.

I am glad - very- your Dad told you what he did.

Jennifer said...

I recently found your blog and look forward to reading it every day. You are a gifted writer. I like the way you take a slice of life and make it real. I have one question, does anyone in your family read your blog?

Thanks!
Jen

Andrew said...

Jennifer,

No, no one in my family reads my blog. I like to stay anonymous for obvious reasons. My father has read it before and was aghast at the intimate things I will share sometimes. Fortunately, he is computer illiterate and could never find it again. I do have someone from my home town reading. I have no idea who they are though.