Thursday, March 1, 2007

An outpouring of concern…

I was going to delete the blog, but just took down some posts instead. I feel much more comfortable with it now. My friend Kristen called tonight. I can always count on a certain set of people to reach out to me when I am doing ill or untoward things. Diana also called as well and it was good to hear her voice. I have missed our conversations.

Tonight, found me sitting in those hallowed halls of alcoholics anonymous as Dumpster Diving Dan likes to call them. I occasionally have to remind myself why I don’t drink. When I drink, I will not take my medications and things can grow very interesting around Casa de Andrew.

“We all screw up sometimes,” Wanda told me tonight at AA. “The big kicker is getting up and doing something about it. “

She gave me the longest and most heartfelt hug.

“I need people like you in my life,” I told her very honestly as I hugged her.

“Next time you go do something stupid,” She said. “You call me instead. I am the Queen of doing stupid things. I can talk you out of it.”

I picked up another white poker chip as the AA meeting ended. It was a symbol of how crazy my life can get without these meetings and my sobriety. I fondled it in my pocket as I walked the long walk home. Wanda’s words of calling herself “the Queen of stupid” bore heavily upon my mind. If I keep this up, I can be her king. We all live and we learn. Now, I have to decide how to handle the whole situation with Rosa. I fear I have woken the beast within. I don’t think she will look as attractive tomorrow without a good twelve pack of beer in my belly wearing the rose colored glasses that it imparts.

Thanks so much to Kristen, Wanda, and Diana for the calls today. You made a big and importance difference in my life. It is cool people like that that make suffering through this disease of the brain and my alcoholism bearable.

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19 comments:

fiwa said...

Checking your blog was the first thing I did when I got home tonight. So happy to hear you went to a meeting.

Keep your chin up!
I'll be thinking of you,
fiwa

CCC said...

Look forward to tomorrow. Every day is a brand new beginning...it's an old saying, but true. I've started over 1,000 or more times.

Anonymous said...

Now that is the writer I have grown to know and love this past year. Good for you for having some common sense and getting to a meeting. Remember, you only have to takes things one day at a time. I read all the time, but have been shy about commenting.

Holly

BeeLee said...

Andrew, great posts from your heart, once again. Life is so short as it is, it's too bad that sometime our choices want to make it shorter. But you've not allowed that to happen ... thank you. Another day, yep. Another day.

Mountains and mole hills... hmmmm like valleys and chasms? ... same thing, different perspective.

Kristen said...

Thanks for the chat. It was great talking to you and hearing your cheerful voice. You made the right choices ... about the meeting (((and))) about not deleting this blog.

There would be a great dark void without it. You brighten many lives and are a help to countless others with your honesty and sharing.

-Lo said...

I sat on my couch wrapped in a fuzzy red blankey and read up on all of the posts that I have missed.

You inspire me.

-Lo

DraMa said...

It's so good to hear you are getting yourself back into shape.

I am very relieved to read this post. Hubs and I pulled your blog up earlier tonight and it said it wasn't found and we feared you had in fact deleted it. But, I tried again now and am very happy to see it's still here.

Take care!!!!

Teronni said...

You should be really proud of yourself for getting to a meeting. Picking yourself up after these last two days is no small thing.
You're inspiring.

Dorid said...

I'm so glad to hear you went to a meeting.

I have every confidence in you.

Jay M. said...

hang in there pal. We all make silly decisions sometimes.

You're alive, you're safe, you didn't really hurt anyone, and you realized something about yourself that maybe you needed reminding of.

Andrew, people close to you get worried about your drinking because they've seen the consequences in the past. Your parents might react like you went and had two bottles of whiskey and went off your meds for a week, even if you just have a beer. Because they've been there and they know how it starts. And they can't help but play out the rest in their heads.

Let them know that you love them and appreciate their concern. And reassure them that you're getting things back on track and you just hit a really rough spot.

You're doing really well, Andrew. The only way to make progress is to learn from your past experiences. The good and the bad, the tough and the easy. Just keep going. Take care.

austere said...

What happened?
You ok?

mago said...

So it's cleanup-day.

austere said...

Read about some storm, Trust you're ok.

Summer said...

Last night when I tried to access your blog, it was gone. I thought the worst and I left a message with Annabel asking her to contact you. I'm glad you're ok. I know this isn't easy.

C.A. said...

I'm proud of you for going to that meeting. Thank you for NOT taking down the blog. It's heartfelt, eye opening, entertaining and inspiring to read about your day to day life.

Keep fighting the good fight. You have so very many people, many unknown to you who are pulling for you.

Anonymous said...

I know it is easy to wallow in our own self-pity... Look around you; you have so many things to be grateful for.

Concentrate on all the GREAT things that you are. The great things you have achieved.

I am very proud that you stood up in the midst of your hardship and made a CHOICE to make a good decision. Good for you, don’t worry.. move on and be proud of what you actually accomplished.

Sue

Cheryl said...

I felt so out of sorts all day yesterday after reading your posts. This one has made my day.

Tiffanie said...

I checked here first thing this morning.

This warms my heart. Am proud of you.

jane said...

please keep the blog going. i've grown to need the unvarnished honesty which is so hard to find. all my best to you on your journey. i'm thinking of you and hoping you find a way which brings what you need.
love,
jane