“I have some breakfast foods left and a loaf of bread in the freezer for toast and sandwiches,” I replied.
“You don’t have enough to eat,” She said. “I noticed the other day that you have lost way too much weight again.”
Mom then drove over to Rodger’s and bought me several pounds of chunked pork barbeque (which was very expensive) and a gallon of Brunswick stew to put in the freezer. She knows these are my favorite foods and I will actually eat them.
“Did you use my tab?” I asked speaking of the running tab I have at the restaurant.
“Yes,” She said. “But you were almost out of money. I added a hundred dollars.”
I vaguely remember eating there the other day. I think I got the southern fried catfish platter with three whole catfish fillets. It turned out they had called the police concerning me as I seemed kind of incoherent.
“You don’t remember talking to the police?” Mom asked.
“No,” I replied. “I hope nothing bad happened.”
“They drove you home and made sure you were safely inside with your door locked,” She said.
“Please don’t tell Dad,” I said emphatically.
“That will stay between you and me,” Mom said.
“You remember what I used to would do when I got off my medications, don’t you?” She then asked.
“Yeah, you wouldn’t go in the house and sat out in the yard all day,” I replied.
“You take your medications. You don’t want to be like that,” She said.
“I will,” I replied honestly knowing I took all those pills last night. I couldn’t write this if I didn’t.
Mom left to go to the grocery store to restock my pantry and refrigerator with food. See? My mother understands. She knows from her own experiences with schizophrenia how it affects me. She takes a high dosage of Zyprexa. I am too afraid to take it due to the extreme sedation I experience and concerns about it causing diabetes. There are numerous class action law suits out over that issue. The best I ever did was on Zyprexa despite the extreme sleepiness. That was when I got married and had a semblance of a normal life. We lived in the suburbs with a new home, car, and my beloved Suzuki motorcycle. We even bought an old 1969 Chevrolet Nova in pristine condition. I was also able to hold down a job.
I love you mom, I thought as I sat at my kitchen table eating that delicious barbeque until getting full. I do so love you. You understand and you don't berate me.