Sunday, April 1, 2007

The March of Time

Spent a long time tonight reading the journal of a formerly homeless woman who lived in her car among the streets of London. Anya has such a touching way with words that you feel as if you along with her for the journey. I wish I could write like that. Reading her made me depressed about my own writing abilities. I really try so hard – maybe too hard and that is my problem. I can be the most terrible perfectionist at heart and it is a terrible curse to bear. I am already predestined to failure due to my mental illness. At least, I have good intentions at heart. I have come a long way from my very auspicious beginnings when I began online journaling in 2004.

Woke very late from a nap with shafts of sunlight shining gloriously across the floor of my bedroom. I laid there as the shadow from the big oak beside my driveway slowly marched across the floor as the sun set. I watched mesmerized as the world turned with me upon it and time seemed to pass so much faster than normal. I could also hear the voices of children playing outside in the late afternoon sun, as well. Luckily, it wasn’t voices in my head as I first thought.

The thunderous clap of a baseball bat hitting a baseball rang out just outside as I soon sat in my lazy boy trying to wake up. I got out of my chair to stand at my den’s window as I smoked a cigar. The neighbor’s kids have a new batting cage and pitching machine. I watched as one child fed balls into the machine as each baseball came shooting out like a bullet to meet with the head of that bat in the child’s swinging hands and arms. The child batting would squeal with joy and ready himself for anther swing at home plate. It brought back fond memories of me and my brother doing similar things in the yard of my childhood home when I was a young child as well. Oh, to be a child again. I take comfort in that I will always be young at heart.


chumly said...

You write fine. Me, well the Prozac doesn't really help but I plug away anyway.

Anonymous said...

there is nothing wrong with your writing. i think you do a wonderful job. as for being predestined to failure. never believe that. life is a journey and you are doing well under your own circumstances.

Summer said...

Don't make me drive to Alabama and pinch you! Your writing is spectacular!

KYRIE said...

I dont think u know how much ur writing is inspiring. I am amazed at the way u pour out ur emotions into each of ur word n how well u put out the truth.
I was so into the writing stuff in high school, I did the school paper, competitions, the whole deal but I did not pursue it after high school. U kinda inspired me 2 take it up again now but I lost my writing style (making a lot of grammar mistakes), lost the practice I am getting lazy!
I was so into it today because of ur writing I wrote a very long blog today pouring out of my soul but now I am getting paranoid since whn I wrote the whole truth I wrote bout some people who will use words tht can make me wish I was in hell. I dont know if should take the blog off.
See u are so inspiring tht u can get me into trouble! It is ur power of words man!