Friday, March 30, 2007

Hell hath no Fury like a Woman with PMS

“Well, look what the cat drug in,” Rosa says scowling as George comes driving up in his battlewagon.

I affectionately call George’s ’79 Thunderbird the battlewagon or battle cruiser.

I then smiled at George sitting behind the wheel of that big old boat of a car. Bluish smoke was belching from the exhaust pipe and George had the biggest, goofiest grin on his face as he pulled into the fire lane in front of the shopping center as a cheap cigar dangled from between his lips.

“Come here,” George mouthed and waved as I walked up to that rusty old ’79 Thunderbird.

“How did you get this piece of shit running?” I say as I sit down in the passenger’s seat.

“Where there is a will, there is a way my pale little buddy,” George says, proud of putting that piece of junk back on the road. “Let’s go for a ride.”

I could smell alcohol on George’s breath.

“I think I will sit this one out,” I say. “I am on my ninth life as far as drinking and driving is concerned.”

“Well, I am off to make the big bucks,” George replies as I get out of the car after only sitting a moment and he drives off to look for braver patrons than I for his fly-by-night taxi service.

It was good to see George back on the road again, despite the imminent threat of a drinking and driving charge. I wondered what he had to do to get that car running. I walked back over and sat down next to Rosa once again.

“He’s gonna get a DUI,” Rosa says, glibly.

“I know,” I reply. “But what can you do?”

“I ought to go call the police right now about the drunk driving son of a bitch,” Rosa says.

Rosa dislikes George. They are like oil and water.

“Be nice,” I say. “It will happen sooner or later without your help.”

“Did you go to A.A. last night?” Rosa then asks, changing the subject.

“No, I was being lazy last night,” I reply. “I didn’t feel like getting out of the house.”

“You are not the lazy type,” Rosa says. “You walk everywhere which I think is stupid since you have a damn nice car and money for gas.”

“Well, you are just a bundle of joy and inspiration today,” I say, sarcastically. “Who pissed in your cheerios this morning?”

“PMS,” Rosa says with a smirk.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned or experiencing PMS, I think as I sit there, wary of what Rosa would say next.

I used to think women used PMS as an excuse just to be a bitch, but changed my mind after being married for two years. My ex-wife had a definite Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde transformation that time every month. Rachel would cry at the smallest setback or little thing, and would grow so emotional. You could often find me in the woods camping when PMS time would roll around. Mother Nature was a far kinder beast to bear than my ex-wife when she was ovulating. It seems Rosa is a woman after all despite that burly, rough, and masculine exterior.


mosiacmind said...

So George got a car running..good..not so good that he is driving and drinking been there and done that. I can relate to having horrible times of PMS I can understand why you went camping..I can relate to the being so so emotional...and now at my age it is not regular so I am not sure if it is PMS or just me being emotional...alright that was probably tmi...I can also relate to the two sides of me..(ha ha get it since being multiple though there are several sides to me)

Augs Casa said...

mind your P's & Q's around rosa amigo. That PMS scares any guy.

Andrea said...

I love your blog Andrew and read it all the time. I think you're a great writer and photographer. With that being said, I just have to voice my concern about one thing....if George gets in a wreck after drinking & driving, hurts or kills someone innocent or himself, you're going to have a hard time dealing with the guilt of not trying to stop him. Just like that old saying, Friends don't let friends drive drunk.

abbagirl74 said...

On the contrary, dear Andrew, I have many guy friends who go through male PMS. It's ridiculous. Funny, huh?

Proxima said...

As far as emotions go, I'm fairly constant month-to-month and year-to-year and rarely have a problem with PMS. If I'm angry it's becaued I'm pissed off and I don't need an excuse. I'm one of the lucky women.

My stepmom would get horrible PMS with cramps, back aches and emotional turmoil to boot. Nothing any of us could do but get her a pillow when asked and rent romantic comadies.


Summer said...

You think you HATE IT?
Ask any woman how she feels.

Amanda said...

Yes, PMS....Hmm... Which reminds me...[Looks at calendar] Grrrrrrrrr!

Cheryl said...

I'm like Proxima. I don't think I've ever had PMS and I consider myself to be extremely lucky about that.

austere said...

Thanks for a laugh mid-morning. Ok, ok, I KNOW this wasn't supposed to be hilarious but to me it was, particularly escaping to Mother nature part,just that sort of a day.

PMS sufferers have my sympathies.

Jenn said...

Just think of all the hits this site is going to get when people are searching for "PMS" on google!
I have to say, despite the drinking/driving thing, I was glad to hear George got a car running. I had no idea what that man would have done for work other wise.

EE said...

I think you should keep track of her cycle...during this time, she may be a little bitchier, but you might have a bit of a respite from her advances!!!! LOL

Rae said...

I agree with EE, Andrew. While you may have to live with the grump during PMS ... just a week or so before that, even though she may have hairs growing out her chin, she'll be a little more interested in the hanky pank. So ... the moral of the story is, cycles are called cycles for a reason ... you can chart their course, take advantage of the good times, and prepare for the bad times.

Great writing here.