I was thinking this morning as I was drinking my coffee and having my first-of-the-day cigar how that to truly live a healthy life I would have to cut out all immediate real life human contact. The stressors of my many real life relationships affect me so deeply and negatively. The date with Carolyn and her on and off nature; the tussle with Charlie Monday night; the pressure my father and my family puts on me; the fear and paranoia surrounding others. Just a simple drive to the convenience store can be a nerve wracking affair of anxiety and paranoia when I get like I was yesterday.
Online relationships are different. I can easily control the amount of interaction with people online. There is no body language; no exasperating social cues to miss. There are only simple words which I find very easy to use. If I don’t want to interact with you, I can just turn off the computer. Real life is not so simple.
We all live by an extremely complicated set of social norms and mores. These very social norms and mores escape me most times. I often find that keeping up with these social rules to be one of the hardest, most exasperating, and most tiring aspects of me living my life. For most people these are second nature and most mentally healthy people never give them a second thought. Don’t believe me? Pay close attention to your social interactions today and notice the delicate dance it can be.
I was watching an episode of Judging Amy yesterday. In it was portrayed a very troubled child. He came from the perfect family. They were loving, laughing, and caring. This was pure torture for the boy though and disturbed him greatly. He was an introvert and not the extroverted people of his significant others. I saw myself in that child and something clicked within me when reminiscing about my own childhood and my life as an adult. I was that very child and his family was like mine; forever trapped to dance this delicate social human dance when I am metaphorically lame and crippled.