Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Terrible Deeds Done past Midnight…

I finally got to talk to Annabel on the phone. We talked for what seemed like forever. As usual, she was busily preparing for another speech tournament this weekend. I hated to end our call, but had grown as sleepy as to where I could hardly keep my eyes open. A quick nap sufficed.

I did something terrible tonight and am regretting it. I took six of my Librium in a fit of madness. I just wanted to feel out of the ordinary and those little green and white capsules were beckoning from my medicine cabinet. So far, I feel pleasantly numb. I guess I will have to go pick up another white poker chip at alcoholic’s anonymous tomorrow evening signifying the start of a new bout of sobriety. Taking those little pills was very much like drinking a six pack. I dare not let the old timers on to my using pills instead of beer though. They would have me tarred and feathered quite quickly.

“Once a good alcoholic, always a good alcoholic,” I muttered after taking the pills knowing very well what I was doing.

Carolyn is back to working the third shift at her place of employment. She thoroughly hates her job and I can’t quite blame her. Our phone conversations consist of her bitching to me about said job.

“Who were you on the phone with so long tonight?” She asked me when she called well after midnight knowing I would be up.

“My friend in Texas,” I replied.

“Is she female?” Carolyn then asked.

“Yes, but you don’t have to worry about me having a torrid online relationship,” I said enjoying the limelight. “She has far more sense than me so I don’t think she wants to get romantically mixed up with some mentally ill dude in Alabama.”

“What does that say about me?” Carolyn then asked.

Silence reigned supreme as I knew not to answer that question. I should have spoke up and told her my mind. Lately, I could care less if either I or Carolyn stay in this relationship. It is growing far too high maintenance for my tastes.

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CCC said...

It happens. At least you're honest and are accountable to yourself. You're still doing great. I'm impressed w/ your honesty. And dedication to AA. Keep it up...

LAB said...

Carolyn is looking for you to justify her feelings of is not your job to make her feel good/bad about the choices she is making....

Everyone should be allowed to have friends of the opposite sex without fear of judgment or condemnation from our significant others. My husband is notorious for being jealous of my male friends even if they are on the internet thousands of miles away.

Don’t let her make you feel bad for having contact with others (male or female). You are a grown adult man and can make the decisions for yourself as to what you are allowed/not allowed to do.

Ok…now I’m stepping down off my soap box…whoa….tripped a little there…

austere said...

SIX Librium!