Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Dearest Dad…

My father came by last night just to visit. My father loves all his children, but he is not one to just drop by for a chat. My sister often jokes that hell would freeze over before he would drive to Birmingham to see her. It completely surprised and flattered me.

“Your house is so clean,” He told me as he walked in. “That is a good indicator that you are doing well.”

When my mental illness strikes, my house will turn into a disaster area. It is a direct barometer of my mental health.

“Let’s go for a ride out Spring Road and just talk,” Dad said.

We got in his car and headed out that dark country road. A heavy fog had rolled in and it looked like a spooky scene out of a Stephen King novel.

“Dad, do you think I can get a part time job again?” I asked.

I could see the tension build in his face.

“You worked for years and just couldn’t take all that shit,” He said. “You are like your mother. She can’t take it as well.”

“It just makes me feel worthless sometimes not being able to support myself fully.”

“What’s number one?” Dad asked me.

“What do you mean?”

“Your number one priority is staying mentally healthy and sober,” He replied. “Without those things everything else is meaningless. You just concentrate on doing those two things.”

“I know,” I said kind of sullenly. “I just get tired of living on so little. I just thought it would help my self worth to work a simple job.”

“Let’s see how you do in the next few months and we will see,” Dad said. “I may need you to start working down at the pharmacy again. We will have to get you a pharmacy tech’s license though.”

I thanked my father for the offer. It gave me a glimpse of hope for the future. I really would like to have a small part time job these days. I will just have to wait and see what the future brings.

post signature


Amy H said...

It really does make a difference, particularly with a man I think, to be able to at least work some type of job. I don't know why that is. Anyway, I hope it works out for you. You have a really special father.

Amy H said...

PS, I hope this doesn't have to do with the negative comment on your blog yesterday...

Amanda said...

Andrew, when I came across your blog, I could tell immediately you're not afraid of hard work. Perhaps you were also raised with the mentality of "work hard, not smart."

So I can imagine you must feel like you are not doing anything, when you are in fact doing plenty, it's just a different kind of toil, that's all. It takes a while to get used to that.

You're doing good. :)

Piper said...

it is awesome to hear about your relationship with your father becoming stronger. i find it rather brave of you to write about such personal things.
thanks for sharing:)
i have truly enjoyed your blog since i found it the day you wrote about the couple praying...i was going to comment that day but went on and on until i had said too much but couldn't bring myself to say any less.
anyway, it seems you have a wonderful way with words as well as people, from what i have read.

RICH said...

Hey Dude, not an unreasonable request. We all like to feel we are doing are part. Also, it's part of feeling good about yourself. Maybe some volunteer work would be good in the mean time just so you feel like you are giving something back. They have such things as web sites for charity. where you can help build sites for charitable organizations etc.

Cynnie said...

I LOVE this blog!..

Aww andypandy..
I feel like I'm related to you..
I'll be back ..
kisses and stay warm

Jay M. said...

Andrew. Don't forget the importance that you and others place on your blog. Many people have started to make a living on blogging alone. You've got a large base of very devoted readers, and I'm sure I'm not the only one who checks at least a couple times a day to see if you've updated, or what else is going on with you and the gang.

I understand the desire to work, and contribute. Just don't forget that you ARE contributing something to a lot of people, even if it doesn't seem like work to you. :)

M said...

Well, your blog is a job of sorts. You provide entertainment and information to your readers. Technically if you had ads on your blog or if you had a pay pal attachment for people to contribute, I bet you could make a small living at writing. I am not advocating that you do that. I merely wanted to point out that making a living is about more than getting a paycheck from an office job.

You do contribute to the world. It just happens that your "job" of blogging is not a paying one.

M said...


uh...apparently, i am not paying attention...you do have a contribution/payment option on the blog. i think that is awesome. i still stand by my point though which is that life is not really about money.

Rhonda said...

One day at a time.

that always helps me get through...today.

Cheryl said...

HI Andrew,

We're having some interesting weather in MD today. Freezing rain, sleet, snow, wind, etc...They closed my salon early.

I'm always happy to hear about you and your Dad. You've probably given him something to think about. Will you see him tomorrow when you have dinner at the house?

EE said...

After stumbling across your blog tonight, I couldn't stop reading!
You, my friend, are an excellent writer. Have you ever considered writing a book????

austere said...

A step at a time. Good luck with the part time job, something to look forward to, I'm sure you will find something that works for you. Somethign related to writing perhaps?

elizabeth said...

I just found this blog and was struck all at once at your writing - perhaps writing something? Just a thought.

Red Robin. said...

You should write a book Andrew and send it to a publishers.

just a thought, I'm pretty sure most who come by think that as well.

sorry, don't mean to clog up your comments box. Hope you're well mate.

michael said...

I second everything said above. Just happened on your blog tonight here in Scotland, but it's added to favourites, and will be read daily from now. Great writing Andrew.

CarrieB said...

Stumbled across your blog today; I love your writing!

I understand what you mean though, about the whole wanting-to-get-a-job-but-you-and-your-family-aren't-sure-if-you-can-handle-it. I'm on medication myself, and it's a battle, but it sounds like you're doing amazingly well.