Tuesday, February 6, 2007

Conversations at Dawn…

The sun peeks over the horizon with a sudden flash of orange. I get up to begin breakfast and start another day. My phone rings very early this morning and I wonder who could be calling at such an early hour. It is my father.

“I am going shopping for your niece’s birthday, today,” He says. “Do you want me to get something from you for her as well?”
I have taken great care to take my medications religiously lately. I have also taken great care to reach out to my family and to not get enveloped in the selfish shell that my illness can foster.
“I was just going to send her some money,” I reply.

“You need to put more thought into a gift for her,” My father says with a scolding air. “Sending money is a lazy and thoughtless gift.”

“Well, she has all the toys and clothes a child could want,” I say. “She is spoiled rotten. I don’t know what to get her.”

My father thinks for a moment and realizes I am right.

“I will get her another nice outfit for you,” He replies. “Your sister-in-law can never have enough clothes for her.”

The conversation wanders away from birthdays for little girls to more personal things. We get on the subject of how well I am doing these days as far as my mental illness goes.

“I can tell you are taking your medications,” My father says. “You are so rational and easy to talk to. Our relationship is so different.”

I agree with him. I have taken great care to take my medications religiously lately. I have also taken great care to reach out to my family and to not get enveloped in the selfish shell that my illness can foster.

“Are you excited about your new house?” He then asks changing the subject.

“I can’t wait to move in,” I reply.

“You know we love you and you will never lack for anything as long as I am alive,” He says and it deeply touches my heart. A few tears well up in my eyes.

“I love you dad,” I say.

“I just want you to be okay,” He replies before saying goodbye. “You will always be my firstborn and the most special of my children.”

A feeling of peace and wellness overcomes me as I hang up the phone. My father is a very wonderful and wise man who only wants the best for me. We have often had a turbulent relationship in the past due to my schizophrenia, but he always pulls through for me. He never gives up no matter how filled with perils the road ahead my lie. Most fathers would have given up long ago in exasperation and placed me in a group home for the mentally ill. He certainly has the money to do so. There is nothing thicker than blood I think as I pour myself another cup of coffee and go about starting my day.

10 comments:

Lynn said...

I stop by most mornings to see what you are up to and how you are doing. Yesterday I told myself I would leave a comment and tell you how much I appreciate your writing. Of course when I read your post I thought I had better wait a day, because like you I find it easier to avoid polarizing subjects. Of course I don't agree with everything you say. I doubt there is a person anywhere I agree with 100% of the time. If so one of us would be redundant. Life would be very boring if we only read/talked to people who saw the world exactly like we do. Keep up the good work.

austere said...

Silly thing to say " great post" but I mean it.

Augs Casa said...

I can relate. My father is a wonderful, stubborn, more frustrating person in the world. I love him not matter what. And although I may be going out on the limb here, I have a brother and 2 sisters I believe he favors me. I wrote in my blog about him yesterday. I hope to be half the man he is today.

Claudia said...

My father has been quite aloof throughout my life. He has always been there, but always at a distance. Recently things have shaken him up and he is making an effort to get to know me. I'm 34. I am not holding anything against him because I, too, want to get to know him. It is never too late! Thanks for your post. It warms my heart to see such a wonderful and caring father and such a grateful son.

Close To Jumping said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Carrie said...

I stumbled on your site over the weekend and find it incredibly thought provoking. I read the descriptions of your cast of characters and it made my heart ache for them. I look forward to reading more about your life.

Proxima said...

I knew my father loved me, but he never said it. Not until he sent it in a letter, when I needed to hear it the most.

Don't worry about sparking controversy now and then. We can hang our "dangly bits" out together my friend. :)
-P

Summer said...

I wish I had had a relationship with my father. He had his own issues and I wasn't one of them. I'm so happy for you.

Cheryl said...

You and your father have been doing well for a long time now. It's heartwarming to hear this story.

Amy H said...

Your right, many parents would have given up by now. I'm so glad yours have not. What a good father you have.