I have been doing lots of thinking about returning to work. I realize these longs days spent alone are not good for me. I want to make real life friends and I have found a job to be socially helpful. I also made a resolution to start going back to my Alcoholics Anonymous meetings feeling the social aspects will be good for me as well although I just can’t get a handle on the religious aspects of the program. You see – I have a tendency to be a hermit and can lose my days just being alone and staying inside. I have to push myself to get out into this scary world and interact due to my illnesses. My visit to the restaurant was very anxiety filling today, but my want of a hot and prepared breakfast overcame those fears. My therapist says the only way for me to overcome this anxiety is to just deal with it and face it.
My biggest obstacle to going back to work part time is my father. I will have to hide this fact from him and make sure to dot my i’s and cross my t’s as far as my monthly income is concerned. I want to be on the up and up. I just think it will give me some dignity that I have been lacking lately. I often find myself feeling less than human or less than a real man because I do not work or “contribute” to society nor do I support myself in a meaningful way. If I could change one thing about my life, it would be this very same thing. Now, if I can just handle all the social stress going back to work will bring upon me. I do well for awhile and then get paranoid that my coworkers are conspiring against me and will quit in a spate of rashness.
The following are some pictures out at the lakeside park today followed by a short video. (I am having trouble uploading. Maybe it will fixed in an hour or so.)