It is 1 A.M. I am talking on the phone with Carolyn. Despite her breaking up with me, she still calls me every night. We are like an old married couple whose presence aggravates each other, but we can’t let go and say goodbye. Tonight, she can’t sleep and knew I would be up. I keep such odd hours.
“I can’t sleep and will feel awful at work tomorrow,” She says. “I feel like utter crap.”
“Sorry to hear that,” I say quietly as I listen.
I am bitter, angry, and hurt. These calls do not help. I feel like I am being used.
“What did you do yesterday?” She asks trying to quell the silence and the awkwardness of it.
“I and George rode down to Auburn,” I replied.
“You know I don’t like you hanging out with him,” She says. “He is trouble waiting to happen.”
I yawn and stay quiet. I do not want to go through this same old argument one more time.
“Why are you so quiet?”
“I am tired and sleepy,” I reply.
“I miss you.”
Silence… I am too hurt to answer.
“I need to go to bed,” I say.
“Will you call me tomorrow?” She asks.
“I am confused by all of this,” I reply. “Let’s just lay low for awhile.”
“Okay,” She says sounding dejected as we say goodnight and hang up the phone.
I go lie down on the bed and sob softly as Maggie curls up by my side. It has never been so hard for me to say goodbye to someone. I finally thought I had found someone who could understand me and my illness, but she is like the rest; close minded; petty; judgmental.
“You will always love me, won’t you girl?” I ask Maggie as I pet her.
Maggie sighs softly and moves closer to me. I lay for the longest time in my darkened and quiet bedroom listening to her breathe. It is a comforting and reassuring sound. Life goes on as it always has. Time will heal all wounds. Tomorrow brings a new day and the hurt is lessened.