Last night was a very long and lonely night. I finally put Maggie into the car and we drove way out into the country to what my family calls God’s country almost across the county which is desolate around 4 AM in the morning. I was just not feeling all that well today or early this morning.
I drove over to nearby my old homeless stomping grounds to the old millpond my family once owned. I parked the car, let Maggie out to use the bathroom, and walked around some in the dark to a brilliant, starry country sky. You could hear the water roaring and cascading over the dam next to the old millhouse. It was much too dark for photographs though as I don’t have a tripod that would be necessary to take such photographs.
Maggie thoroughly enjoyed this outing and I had a hard time getting her back into the car. She was determined to stay just a bit longer. I finally scooped her up and put her on the backseat and we were on our way again in the predawn dark. I saw many a deer cross the road on the way home and had to be careful not to hit one.
I arrived back in town and drove over to the Wal-Mart 24 hour super center. I hate going to Wal-Mart, but they had something that I could not buy at Kroger. I initially bought my camera batteries and charger at Kroger, but they were out of AAA size rechargeable batteries that I use to power my little Sony radio on my hikes. It took me forever to find them. I checked out and headed home.
I am just feeling extremely sad today and languid. I don’t know what to do with myself. I just don’t feel well. I guess it could be from lack of sleep. I get so tired of this and my life being so uneasy. I am so tired of being fucked up and mentally ill. I just want a normal life and would give up everything I own to obtain it. Life is just not fair.