Saturday, November 25, 2006

That Dreaded Question all Women ask…

And let the relationship rodeo begin! I got the dreaded, “Am I getting fat?” question from Carolyn this morning. We were just lying in the bed talking, and she turns all rhetorical on me.

“Honey, I think you look just fine,” I replied.

“All men say that even when they are not being honest,” She remarked as she got up to get dressed in a huff.

“Then why ask?” I returned as I pulled the covers over my head as some sort of shield from a woman’s scorn. “Seriously, though, you are not fat at all,” was my timid and muffled reply from under the covers.

“It is just that my jeans feel kind of tight these days.”

“Water weight gain,” I replied. “It happens every month.”

“When did you get to be such an authority on that time of the month?”

“I was married for two years, remember?” I retorted.

Carolyn and I both burst out laughing at my last statement.

“You were married to a right monster,” Carolyn said as she playfully jumped back into the bed half dressed with me.

“I know!” I exclaimed. “I am still carrying emotional scars. If Rachel asked me if she was fat, I headed out to the back deck to nervously smoke cigarettes with the dog not far behind me. I knew such a question had far more implications and the shit was about to hit the proverbial emotional fan. You always say no, no matter what, unless you are emotionally retarded or a naïve newlywed or want a divorce.”

“Seriously, though, do you think I have gained a little weight?”

“You look like you have lost a little weight these days,” I replied treading dangerous waters carefully.

“Oh, you little ass kisser,” She said as we burst out laughing again and ended up kissing each other in a warm embrace.

“I love you. You know that?”

“I love you, too,” I replied. “Next time, ask me something simple like how my day was yesterday or how is the weather? Don’t ask me if you are fat.”

We ended up laying there for the longest time in each other’s arms until Carolyn was almost late for work. She finished dressing and rushed out the door to start another day of slave labor at slave wages. I don’t know how she does it. I do so enjoy our little repartees such as this morning though. I hated to see her leave.


Summer said...

Me too.

m said...

awwwwww.....that is so sweet!

Claudia said...

great post. Good to see that you're happy.

Kristen said...

Keep those smiles coming!

Berryvox said...

Ha! I'm female and I don't get why people (mostly women) ask that. They know it's a loaded question. Nothing against Carolyn in particular. It's just an action that annoys me.


P.S. Sorry I never comment. I read 4th Avenue Blues once or twice a day but either somebody's said the same thing or I have nothing to say.

becky said...

This reminds me of one of the funniest exchanges I remember from my marriage. In spring of 2003 I was laid off from work and part of what I spent each day doing was walking. After about 2 weeks of this, my pants didn't fit very well and I asked my then husband "does my butt look different? It feels like my pants are too big and I think my butt is smaller or something!"

He, as usual, couldn't come up with anything to say. I thought the whole thing was pretty funny. I hadn't asked if I was getting fat, but if I was getting thinner. The easy answer would have been "Yes! It looks great. Come over hear and let me touch it to be sure."

Ah well. 20/20 hindsight and all that....

Glad you navigated the shoals successfully.


Holly said...

This is so funny. I hear about this issue all the time but I dont get it. Maybe I am not in the norm. What I dont get is if a woman ask "do I look fat in this" and an honest answer is given... why would she be upset about it?

You did a good job with your answer to Carolyn. I am still laughing about this post :)

austere said...