“I wish you would talk to me when you get like you have these past few days,” She told me. “You always shut yourself inside and don’t come out.”
“It is just my way of coping with hell,” I replied. “Besides, you wouldn’t want to be around me when I get like that. I can be mean and hateful.”
“There is not a mean bone in your body,” Carolyn said as she reached across the table to hold my hand.
“Tell that to Kevin Barbieux,” I said. “I was mean as hell to him the other day.”
“Oh, that guy is such a jerk anyway and gets what he asks for,” She replied. “I wouldn’t worry about that at all. He’s the one that needs to be on some serious medications.”
I felt so much better after my talk and breakfast with Carolyn this morning. Her voice is so soothing and her presence is so grounding. When I was married, what happened yesterday as far as my paranoia was concerned would have been a World War III of a fight. Rachel could never separate my illness from my true personality.
Today, I am going to try and get in touch with my doctor. We need some kind of plan of action for me when I get like that. I really need to just be sedated until I can sleep it off. Despite my medications, time seems to be the best cure for what ails me. A few hours of sleep like this morning makes me feel loads better.
I always just thought you didn’t like my blog or my writings when I saw you commenting on my friend’s blogs. It is strange how we can project out our emotions and feelings upon someone else like that. I am glad to have you commenting and reading and admire you very much for what you do.
Thank you so much for the well wishes. Your comments mean a great deal to me and thanks for taking the time to write them. It is always a joy to wake up in the morning to check the blog and find a few words of support.